Your Family, Your Life

As child-free women, we have a chance to explore the nuances of our lives.  We can go into patterns that are affecting us, ones that we adopted from childhood and ones that we learned from our parental figures that affected our sense of self.  We know we have lots we can do, be and discover in our lives, but there can very well be baggage, old beliefs and ways we have inherited that keep us stuck and playing small.  

I believe that everything is about relationship.  Relationship to ourselves, to others, to our body, to our food, to the earth, to our family, our ancestors, and on and on.  We attract people and dynamics in our lives to either resolve something, or grow in some way, even if it is painful.  There is wisdom everywhere, even if we can’t see it right away.    Most lessons go back to self-love, self-acceptance and how to grow in compassion.

For example, I had a habit of attracting male partners who had serious mental health issues.  I wouldn’t even see it coming. But they’d eventually become aggressive and intimidating.  It wasn’t until I really looked at my childhood, that I could finally see my male figures as having mental health issues. The whole time, due to my programming, I thought they had it together and I was the weak one or broken one.  Though I’ve done my own deep therapy and inner work, I couldn’t really see the pattern until I did the "My Family, My Life Package".  I discovered that the men on both sides of the family suffered from depression, and they would take it out on their family members at home, making their wives lose their mental health and sense of stability.   

The women absorbed the hurt, negativity and pain of their male partners.  The men, trapped in the world of having to prove themselves and not being allowed to have emotions, wouldn’t or couldn’t get the help they needed.  It’s only now, in 2017, that there are programs encouraging men to admit their suicidal feelings and thoughts, and own their own depression and emotional discomforts. 

I would say that the root of most domestic abuse stems from men who have felt out of control and powerless so they need to put this onto the most vulnerable and their closest family members. So instead of the women being the broken one, it was really the husbands or fathers behind her that were causing the pain. This is my family pattern and I’m not saying that all of women’s issues are because of abusive men. 

I know that partly one of the reasons I’m child-free is because I wanted to work out these dysfunctional patterns and not get trapped in a bad marriage with having to feed the kids.  I want to be one of the women in my family line that gets a chance at living a life more free of these traditional burdens, where I’m not stuck with being the punching bag for my partner.  Though I know we are all human, and all of us are fragile, I am confident that I won’t get so confused or triggered if a friend or male partner shows signs of serious mental health problems. I will give him the responsibility to go get the help he needs if he starts taking things out on me. Or I will know that it’s time to pack my bags and leave if it becomes abusive.  Fortunately, I won’t have to take care of any kids or negotiate child care or anything of that sort.  This is one of the many freedoms women get to have when they don’t have kids. A freedom I am grateful to have.

I would not have seen it this way, if I didn’t do the “My Family, My Life” Package.  I would have gone into years of therapy trying to get to the root of my low self-esteem, beating myself for being abused. In a matter of 2 sessions, I was able to see everything way more quickly. Then my true work of setting boundaries.

I would love to share this with you so you can have similar breakthroughs in areas that you may not be able to see clearly.  Through a process of working together, you and I can uncover unconscious layers that are affecting how you are relating to friends, family, yourself, money, work, creativity, etc.  In 2 sessions, we will reveal the core issue, in what many say would take 2 years of therapy. It’s not a replacement for therapy.  Rather it gives you the main issue you are dealing with, a new perspective or way of seeing it, and the wisdom required to break any cycles. Then you can take it to your therapist and really do the work to release it.

If this interests you, you can either book a FREE “Freedom to Be Yourself” Session and we can explore what issues you are facing, or you can book the "My Family, My Life Package" to get started.

Being a True Friend

Our world has a desire to put people into roles, and to create expectations of who we should be.  Many become parents and take on a certain identity or position of power, believing this is what it means to be an adult. Their focus is on raising the kids, as it should be, but it can be a distraction from doing the inner work of becoming healthier people in their community and circle.   For me, I know that when a friend would become pregnant or they were raising kids, our friendship could only go so deep. The children were a priority.  Which is fine, I get it. 

But as a child-free woman growing in self-love and self-awareness, I learned to set boundaries about who I allow in close to me. In my love circle, I only allow emotionally available people. I choose people who are present to who I am and I support them in who they are.  I find that it is often a one-way street in relationships with new parents or those with young children.  So I don’t put a lot of emotional investment in them. 

I have room in my life for parents of young kids, but they will be closer to the acquaintance-friend category for me, at least until the kids get older.  Some people will disagree with me, and that is fine.  I just know that all healthy relationships require an equal balance of give and take.  Parents of young kids don't have a lot to give others because their focus is elsewhere, which it should be. They can cultivate the friends who are also parents and get them at that stage of life. 

Which makes me realize that one of the great gifts of being without kids, is that I have grown and continue to do so, in having the mindset of being a friend.  I’m like this with young people, adults and my pet friends.  It means that I listen closely, respect the other being for who they are and what is in their hearts, and try to encourage them or offer some words of advice.

I am not into reprimanding or punishing someone, or having to make them do things against their will – like taking them to school if they don’t want to.  (Though with Max the dog, I do have to tell him to settle down when he barks too much).  

I also don’t want to give a false sense to someone that I own them or they have to relate with me if they don’t want to.  This is a program in most of us with families – that we have to be the loyal child or sibling just because we share the same DNA and upbringing. When the truth is that there can be a lot of wounds and mistrust from that relationship.

Most of all, though, I get to have emotional presence for others. Others get to feel seen and heard and ultimately loved and understood. I crave that from others, as well.  

Being a friend is a wonderful gift and one that I feel many child-free people have the chance to be for the world.  It brings in unconditional love, humour, sharing and no expectations for another to be a certain way.  To truly be a great friend requires, time, inner work and emotional presence – qualities that a lot of parents with young kids just don’t have much of unless it’s connected to their lifestyle. 

What does true friendship mean to you? Are there true friends in your life? What is one special thing you can do for them? What kind of a friend do you want to be?

Nature Walk in Silence for Child-free Women - Sep 8, 2017

We meet once a week on Friday mornings at 10 a.m. in Guelph for a Nature Walk in Silence. This is a chance for child-free women to share in what we enjoy best: silence, nature, friendship and feeling understood.

Each walk starts with an inspirational quote that we contemplate for the walk. We share what we want to release for the week, then walk in silence.  At the end of the walk, we talk about what showed up for us and what we want to bring in for the week.  

Each week, I will post the quote and a reflection or poem on what came up for me. 

Quote: "Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express our appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it." 
- Ralph Marston

Poem
Tormenting times
that distract
often lead us 
to appreciate
what is around us

This park with tall trees
has been here
since I was a child
quietly growing

Beneath my feet
lay a leaf
heart-shaped

simple reminders of what matters

Prioritize Your Inner Child the Way Parents Prioritize Their Kids

Recently on the “No Labour Day Pains” Teleclass for Child-free Women to set new learning and growth intentions for the next 6-9 months, we had some good discussions around what our heart wants versus what we believe we have to do. 

It became clear as we shared, that there are inner child wounds or beliefs that were formed with our experiences with school when we were younger.  We were given a lot of feedback about who we should be, what we should do with our lives and what makes us a "good" person from teachers, parents and the school system. But very few people asked us what we care about.

The true guides or teachers care about what is in our hearts and encouraged this out of us. They didn't care if we got good grades, but rather they want to see what lit us up and inspired us.

For example, I loved English class.  It spoke about the realities and philosophies of people and the world. There was depth, meaning, ways of seeing in it that gave me a feeling of being understood in my life path, while also navigating the world around me. It took me to other places and gave me answers that I was looking for.  I loved literature. And it was the lowest mark I got in school.

I was great at math and accounting and typing. I was set up to be in the world a wonderful administrative assistant or business person.  My talents for the world weren’t what I cared about.  But it got me by, even to this day.  My inner yearning, though, was writing, reading and psychology. It was who I was at the core – a thinker and a feeler.

Recognizing this part of us that tunes into what we love, despite what others or the world wants from us, is part of our inner child.  As child-free women, we have a chance to grow within and tune into what really makes us happy, inspired, fulfilled or desiring to make a contribution to the world.  Because it is an invisible part of ourselves, it can feel like we can put it off, not listen to it, take care of the things around us and just keep going.   But what if you were to treat your inner child the way parents treat their own kids.  What if you said “no” at work because you had to take your inner child to piano lessons? Or you told your friends or family that they can’t come over because you are writing your book? Or you let go of a committee you are sitting on because your inner child wants to daydream, meditate and go for nature walks? You see, parents have an automatic “out” with certain obligations. As child-free women, it seems we have to find some excuses, outright lie or just take on more stuff because others think we have all the time in the world.

But your time, your inner child and what you do with it is what will lead you to staying balanced, healthy and whole. You need it just as much as the parent needs to spend time with their children (and inner child, for that matter!).

What boundaries can you set so your inner child is feeling inspired, fulfilled and energetic? 

If you would like to tune more into your passions, take a day away in nature and enjoy being with other child-free women who are living their path of truth, please come out to the Nourish Your Inner Donkey Self-Discovery Day for Child-free Women.  We all have the silly, wise fool of the donkey in each of us – and we need it to enjoy a life of meaning and purpose.  Click Here for More Details    

Child-free Woman as Peacemaker

Conflicts and violence have been a big part of human history and we seem to be seeing more of it, especially because of the media’s immediate coverage and responses.  Tensions abound, fear of the other, and general ignorance seems to be taking over. 

Many sages and teachers say that to truly have peace on earth, we need to find peace within.  When we are stressed or drained or over-committed, we tend to step out of the present and feel threatened by every detail.  We also can become rigid or isolated because of having too much to do.  This is what I see in most people who are parents nowadays.  The requirements, obligations and necessities and social rules take over, and before they know it, they are beholden to their children’s lives. Even the strongest and most empowered parents, still have the stresses of caregiving.  Not that we don’t, as we may have our own responsibilities as child-free people and we may do caregiving for older parents, or other people’s children from time-to-time, or our own projects. But we aren’t tied to them the way parents are.

Because of this, I believe that Child-free Women have the beautiful chance to be the peacemakers of the world.  As women, many us have naturally been conditioned to be relationship-oriented (whether we like it or not) and tend to have a keen intuition or sense of group dynamics.  As Child-free people, we often have open minds, can see the big picture, and we tend to work on behalf of the collective well-being.  We also aren’t as attached to family loyalties, giving us the chance to see people for who they are, not the roles we want them to be in our lives.  We can spend our time finding our centre within, staying connected to the part of us that can make wiser choices rather than reactive choices.  

Ultimately, the combination of being a Child-free Woman means we have the capacity to bring more peace, love and connection to humanity and the world around us.

Many of us have a mission that can quietly or overtly benefit the world around us, usually with very little acknowledgment of our own hearts, unless we actively seek validation and recognition from our community.  We are community leaders, changemakers or social connectors, whether it be in our volunteering, day-to-day interactions, for non-profits, as entrepreneurs or in our corporate jobs.  We are rocking it somewhere through our capacity to relate with many.

For me, aside from supporting child-free women, I want to make the change in the world to end violence against women and sexism.  I also want to be an example of natural health and minimalistic living, as ways to honour all of earth’s habitants.  Feminine spirituality, divine connection and intuitive awareness are all important to me, as well.

What about you? What change do you want to make in the world as a child-free woman?

Being Committed to Yourself

The path of the child-free woman by choice is one that is unique.  It means we start our path of self-discovery  and tend to know the power of making choices. Even if the simple choice is: “I don’t want to have kids”. 

We can choose whether or not to continue to make empowering choices that lead to our self-awareness and personal freedom throughout our lifetime. We have the strength to make choices that aren’t necessarily socially conforming, but keep us true to ourselves.

Now I’m not saying that mothers don’t do this. Many of them make empowering choices in how they raise their children.  However, at least for those mothers who are active and embracing that path, they usually make a lot of self-sacrificing choices.

I have seen mothers have to wait until their middle age when the kids have grown up, to get back to themselves and what they enjoy. They have spent much of their years and energy on raising the kids and maintaining the semblance of family. 

Now it’s not to say we don’t struggle with similar issues. Our youth can make us over-extend ourselves to others out of people pleasing, and we can fall into the typical pattern most girls and women are conditioned, which is to put others’ needs before our own. 

As child-free women, we have the chance to shift this pattern that has been deeply engrained in the psyche of most women on the planet. The martyr archetype or the mothering role is deep within us, and it can lead to a whole host of problems, including health issues, feeling dissatisfied or withstanding a whole lot of abuse and neglect out of blind loyalty.

Shifting it means learning how to say ‘no’, making inner commitments to ourselves that we promise not to let go of, becoming assertive and tuning into our feelings, truth and intuition on a daily basis to gain the wisdom and insight needed for our lives. It’s having the courage to let go of relationships that are not mutually respectful and satisfying, a willingness to go it alone at times and speaking without shame or hiding about who we are and we are not.  All of this requires an ability to know our limits, desires, goals and truth, and communicating them to others with self-assuredness.

Committing to yourself can move mountains. It can bring in relationships with others who have shared interests. It can create a life for yourself that aligns with who you are and your personal rhythm. It can take you on new adventures. It can help you establish a deep peace within yourself that creates wonderful self-acceptance.

I would encourage you to commit something to yourself that is connected to you, regardless of anyone else’s opinion.  You’ve already done it with choosing to be child-free. Now let’s take it to another level!

For me, I’m committed to:

-holistic healing

-being a writer

-minimalism

Being committed to this makes sure I centre everything I do and I am about around these three things.  I have found my fiancé who is a musician (so open and supportive of the arts) and loves to live simply and renting (we won’t be buying a house or tons of property, which works well for both of us).  On the holistic healing front, well, that’s still not his thing, but it’s the one area I get to bring to the relationship.  He is learning a lot from me and it improves my ability to teach others who may not know or understand. But he’s not resistant to it and he knows it’s part of my path.

These commitments are my inner compass that keep me in my truth, regardless of others’ opinions, preferences or lifestyle choices. It makes me love who I am in entirety.

I would love to hear about your 3 commitments and how they help you live a stronger, more directed life that honours who you are. Please send me an email to: child.free.heart@gmail.com

Child-free Women and the Ancestral Lineage

There is a saying in indigenous spiritual traditions that believes that when we leave the spirit world to incarnate on earth, our ancestors cry at losing us and our earth family rejoices. When it is our time to return, those in spirit rejoice at seeing us again and our earth family mourns.  This gives us the sense that there is some reason or mission we are here to complete in the world, that made us leave the divine love of our spirit friends and join the earth plane of suffering.

In the past 8 years, I’ve delved deeply into the psyche of family and ancestral patterns through Family and Soul Constellations work.  The work has fascinated me because it helps clients see the blind spots and generational patterns that keep wanting to be expressed, no matter how difficult or painful it is. It brings meaning, clarity and understanding to that which is hidden or unknown. Tensions get released. Support can be brought in. Connection can happen.  We grow in our personal humility and wisdom.

The premise of Soul Constellations work is that we will often carry the burdens and challenges of our ancestors – people we may or may not have met.  There is just something in us that is drawn to the circumstances, dynamics and fates that our ancestors have experienced.

Through an embodied process, we start acknowledging their path with acceptance and even compassion. We then free ourselves from having to work out the issues that they faced and start living our lives.  It is known that our ancestors truly do want us to be happy and free, but they also want the respect and acknowledgment to be sure their lives were not lived in vain.

For child-free women by choice, we are in a unique position in the family system.  We have actively claimed that we don’t want to continue the ancestral line.  Some of us may have had abortions and miscarriages as part of our process. We may have had to make tough choices, choices in the face of family pressure. Or it may be because we have been deeply hurt by our family system that we have decided not to carry forward the dysfunction. There may be an aspect of us that rejects the people we have come from, or we want to be victorious over a family pattern, such as women forsaking their dreams and happiness for the sake of child-rearing.  Or there just may be circumstances behind you where there was war and suffering, and you innately know that it is not safe to bring a child into the world out of protecting an innocent person from that fate.  Another possibility is that we may come from strong women role models who encouraged us to stand in our freedom and truth and take a non-traditional path as a woman.

Regardless of why, we know within our gut that we want to be free, but we may end up holding ourselves back in ways we don’t even realize.  We may attract loveless relationships, or sabotage our careers.  All because we don’t want to be bigger than our parents, grandparents or great grandparents. We stay small in some way.

My aim as a Soul Constellations facilitator for Child-free Women is to support you in your becoming and to help you shed the past and what is holding you back – whether in loyalties to your parents and ancestors, or limited beliefs.  I see you as the one who is ready and able to shed the family karma in your system, bringing true freedom, peace and actualization of all of your ancestors’ hopes, dreams, struggles and victories. You have the chance to truly know the joy of living, and make a big difference in the lives of others.

I saw a quote while I was living in Oaxaca by an Aztec poet.  It said something to the effect that the one who does not have children is the one in the family who is tying up the knots of the family quilt.  I truly believe this in my heart and soul and honour those who are here to complete the work that is needed so they may return to their spiritual home when they pace with peace of heart and mind.  

Please join me at the Embrace Your Heart Healing Retreat Series for Child-free Women in Guelph to explore and free yourself from all that is keeping you contained or withheld from actualizing your life.  We will do Soul Constellations work there among other wonderful activities and techniques.

Child-free Women as Friends of the Goddess

When I was in my early 20s, my mother gave me a meditation book called “365 days of the Goddess” and my sister gave me a Goddess Oracle deck.  Since then I’ve had an on-again-off-again fascination of the Goddess Path. 

Women came in and out of my life who would wear the Goddess symbol, make beeswax candles, or do fabulous paintings depicting the Goddess. They would be healers or artists or writers. They seemed deeply satisfied and connected to who they were, and I wanted that kind of magic. 

I’ve explored various paths to the Goddess – the Avalonian Path, Wiccan Path, the Christian Mystical Path, the Buddhist Path, and the Reiki path.  All of them had various elements in them that I have learned a great deal from. Some have more complicated rituals, others feel more like a knowing and a connection, and still others are about manifestation and seeing the deeper archetypes within oneself. 

Whenever I would stray away from the Goddess path and choose something more modern in my spirituality like Law of Attraction, Basic Meditation, or yoga, there would still be something missing in it for me – like I needed that connection to a divine being within me and around me, and one that was deeply compassionate about the woman’s journey, need for prayer and connection to the moon cycles.  The spiritual path felt empty without the presence of Her within and around me, and it was up to me how I wanted to relate with Her, in a way that matches who I am and my values.

As I’ve been exploring this path of the Goddess and the Child-free Woman, I’ve learned quite a few things.  The first is that many Priestesses who are now known as Goddesses were Child-free by Choice. Women who didn’t want to take the traditional path of motherhood would plead to the Gods and Goddess and the Priestesshood that they could serve the divine and the community henceforth.  She became a divine channel and vessel to serve the community in whatever way needed.  We see how this also manifested later on with patriarchal religions that made women take a vow of celibacy to the serve the Lord as nuns.

The second thing I have learned is that many Priestesses were seers and healers, and they would be consulted as the wise women of the community because they could see the big picture.  It was understood that they had the wisdom and detachment to be able to provide clear guidance without having a vested interest in child-rearing.  There was a lot of respect for who she was, which is quite different than how it is now in our world.  Parents respected her voice and guidance for their kids.

Another element of the Goddess Path and its reclamation is that it is connected to a woman’s liberation path. It is meant to help a woman in the attainment of her wholeness, well-being, potential and capacity to make a social impact in the world. Being child-free is an act of empowerment in and of itself.  Choosing not to be a mother is one step towards women choosing what they do and don’t want in their lives.  (This isn’t to say that being a mother is not liberated, just that the act of not choosing is a step towards personal freedom).

I have also come to understand that Child-free Women are not on the path of mothering, they are on the path of friendship.  It’s a simple but nuanced difference. Mothering implies nursing, raising, feeding and dealing with the day-to-day tasks of child-rearing or even having a dominant say in how things go in the lives of others.  Whereas, friendship is about a mutually beneficial exchange of care, respect and boundaries with others. The obligations and expectations are not the same and it is about seeing each other through the eyes of our true natures rather than the prescribed roles of parenting.  So the approach to the Goddess is one of forming an inner friendship with oneself and all beings, including the Goddess Herself. When we find friendship within and around us, we make choices that then serve the Goddess that is meant for Child-free Women. For example, if I need to heal a critical voice within me that says I’m not good enough and it’s leading me into self-sabotage, then I will see how others are operating with that inner voice and be way more compassionate with them and find a way to help them.

I would love to hear your take on the Goddess path for Chlid-free Women. I believe it’s a relatively new exploration in this way of acknowledging a woman positive spirituality.  If you would like to explore further, please join me for monthly Goddess Meditations & Friendship Circles for Child-free Women by Choice in Toronto.  You can email me for more info: heather@blossomingheart.ca

Blessed be to the Goddess within you,

Heather Embree
www.childfreeheart.ca

The Power of Kinship

At the Summer Solstice, I received the message from the land and the fire that this coming cycle is about kinship and support.  It was interesting to me that the term "kinship" was used, not the term "friendship".  Which made me think about how this applies to the Child-free community.

Kinship is an even deeper bond than friendship. There is something "family" about it. Where similar jokes, perspectives, life position all play a part, even if there is diversity in lives and lifestyles amongst us.  It's like a sisterhood, which will include varying voices, preferences and relationships, but at the core a connection that is beyond time.

Throughout history, child-free women have walked a lonely path. We have either been scapegoated, deemed invisible or pitied by the family-dominated world.  Society hasn't seen a necessity for us to gather and share, and so many of us just walk an independent path even believing that we don't have needs for support.  Which is absolutely insane because everyone needs support.  In fact, studies have shown that the most successful people in life are those that have a strong community.

This is why I wanted to create social gatherings and retreats for Child-free Women. We need space to laugh, joke, release emotions, share our stories and have compassion for the difficulties of living in a world that pressures us to love babies and have them.  We need a space to affirm and claim for ourselves that we have different dreams and goals than mothers do and a lifestyle that meets our needs and unique path.  We are meant to live closer to our truth, of what is really in our hearts, not out of social obligation. But it's hard to do that and keep the strength and courage alive when there aren't others who give us feedback.  


If you would like to connect to more child-free kin, I'd suggest the following:

1) Join the Persephone's Heart Society -- a free online community

2) Come to a Meetup.com event in Peterborough, Toronto or Guelph if you live in those areas

3) Come to a Retreat for Child-free Women

The Healing Path of Being a Child-free Woman

Many people think that Child-free Women don’t have any problems. Just because we aren’t chasing kids to school or figuring out how to balance work and parenting, there is a belief that we are in a place of ease and joy all the time and we don’t have any needs. 

But I beg to differ.  We have unique challenges and dynamics that have led to stress and relationship difficulties. There is a different loneliness or path of the Child-free Woman that requires healing.  Much of it is rooted in the regular bumps and bruises of life, but also from the very experience of being “different than the pack”. 

As Child-free Women, we have the chance to heal core wounds that have blocked us from our joy, freedom and happiness – this can come in the form of negative or false inner beliefs, carrying different perspectives than the masses, relationship conflicts, emotional challenges and moral dilemmas.  Many of us may not even know where to begin to scratch the surface. Or some of us may have spent years in therapy and already have that understanding.

For myself and from my experience doing metaphysical healing for 7 years, I’ve come to learn about the power of stress (inner and outer) on the well-being of a person.  All of us will know that being a mother is stressful, 90% of the time – no matter if the child is easy going or not. It’s usually one of the many reasons why people choose not to have kids (I’m one of those people and I know I’d have a nervous breakdown if I did have them).   But there is also hidden stress that comes in and is unique for Child-free Women. 

Here are some examples:

Stress of being different than the pack – on a fundamental level, we all want and need to feel we belong.  Anyone who strays outside of the mainstream and biologically dominant cultural way of doing this will feel alone, nervous, isolated, misunderstood and abandoned.  As a child-free woman – that is someone who chooses not to have kids, which is different than someone who wants to have them –she is essentially saying that she is leaving the pack of women who are innately conditioned or expected to birth something out of her womb. She is saying “no” to something that is considered a fundamental quality of physical life on the planet.

Psychological stress of an identity crisis or a sense of not knowing one’s unique self and gifts.  This can come in for those child-free women who don’t have a circle of friends, family or community who acknowledge her unique path of not having kids.  If all she is surrounded by is mothers and baby talk, a child-free woman can feel lost, confused, in self-doubt and wondering if there is something weird about her.

Relationship stress that can come from emotional abuse and neglect with people who can’t relate or belittle her choice to be child-free.  It can also be stressful to be in a position of watching kids being mistreated and feeling powerless and unable to do anything about it as the aunt or citizen.  

On top of that, there are judgments, criticisms and jealousies that child-free women can get from mothers. There is the difficulty of having to resist the pressures and expectations may have of you to care for their kids or engage in their stress.

It can also come in if there is a conflict you may have with a partner who suddenly wants kids. Or you can’t find a person who is on the same page as you in the lifestyle of being child-free. 

Childhood Wounds stress – many child-free people decided not to have kids because they didn’t want to pass on the stress, abuse, neglect or suffering to the next generation. They may still hold wounds from childhood that need to be processed but are still affecting their adult lives – things like anxiety, depression, self-criticism, feeling rejected, loneliness...are all by-products of childhood wounds.

Save-the-World stress -- oh yes – the feeling that because one doesn’t have kids that one needs to do more and more and more to help the world. I’ve been there and am still there. I have a desire to help a lot of humanity to come to peace and well-being and love within and with each other. This can lead to burnout stress and something that many child-free women struggle with.

Regular ol’ everyday life stress – just like everybody else, child-free people have the regular ups and downs of life, money, health, losses, insecurities that affect us.  We got those problems, too!

This is why I’ve created the Embrace Your Heart Year-long Healing Series in the Guelph-area with my friend and colleague Roxana Roshon.  

We will be incorporating our knowledge of alternative healing, spirituality and being child-free to support the process of coming into balance, peace, self-awareness and creative expression.  These will be retreat days that will help us redefine our self-image, connect to nature, and feel self-love and self-acceptance infuse into our beings.

Our first retreat will be on Sunday July 16^th from 9:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. The focus will be on “The Story of Your Soul” to help you heal and find inner strength and meaning with some of the challenging experiences you’ve had in your life. We will do some family-of-origin and ancestral healing to have you stand in your truth and light without guilt, fear or abandonment. 

There will be other retreats, too, so please stay tuned to the web site at: www.childfreeheart.com for more information.

Here’s to being a happy, free and healthy child-free woman!

Soul Oracle Consulting for Child-free Women

I started the Child-free Heart as an answer to an inner yearning and a need that I saw in the world to support Child-free Women so they can have more creative fulfillment, freedom, well-being, and happiness in the world. It is in alignment with my karmic purpose to support the path of women's liberation in all aspects of her being: her body, in her relationships, her voice, her sexuality and her sense of self.

Through my Soul Oracle Packages that I offer, I see each child-free woman through the lens of her potential for wholeness, and the support she needs to stand in her truth and strength, despite the social pressures for her to belong to the pack of being an earth mother. 

I am not a typical "psychic" in that I don't tell you what you have to do or that a certain path in life is inevitable. I would identify myself as an oracle which means I'm able to see patterns and lessons from the past and the wisdom and understanding needed to create a new reality. I also can connect with those who have passed on to the other side as a source of love, forgiveness, insight and wisdom.

I believe that everything and everyone has a choice, and I offer you the wisdom and understanding you need to make those choices so your heart's desires are honoured and there is a sense of personal peace and inner contentment and a sense of joy and laughter, as well. I am known for my deep listening, compassion and accuracy with each of my clients.

I value and cherish the spiritual path of the feminine which includes being a seer/oracle to guide others. In fact, historically in Goddess times and in Indigenous Spiritual Traditions, the Child-free Woman was known to be the seer/wise woman of the community because she could access the higher perspective.
 

Sometimes I use divining tools like oracle cards, and other times I setup objects to examine the unseen patterns in your life. I am also a lucid dreamer and will often dream about my clients' issues the day before the session.

If you would like to explore working together, I invite you to book a FREE Nourish Your Soul Session with me or to book one of the packages that I offer.

With gratitude and appreciation,

Heather Embree

Success Comes with Loving Support

Since I was a kid, I have always been ambitious. I think it started with an insatiable need to compete with my older sister. She knew how to ride a bike, walk on her own to school, buy really cool clothes, kiss boys, connect to spirits on the other side and leave home for the sake of her truth. I looked up to her in many ways and in other ways I resisted her, too.  She liked the colour pink, played with dolls and wanted so much to be a mom and work with kids. She grew up to be a shopaholic, passionate lover of dangerous men, and conforms into the suburban, middle-class lifestyle. 

Whereas I’m a super-sensitive minimalist, child-free woman who prefers travelling, natural health and artistic expression – traits that were actually more like my mother. I did well at school, was a bit of a loner and questioned everything to death. I never wanted to have kids, I hated shopping, and I loved quirky, out-of-the-box people.  I planned things out in my life, diligently worked on a stamp collection and would strive to do well at anything I set my mind to. I had a strong will and a love of concepts and ideals. T.V. bored me to tears. My sister would call me a "contrarian". My mother called me a "late bloomer". I called me a "maverick".

When I was about 2 years old, my mother fell into a depression. She was in a relationship with my father who was a womanizer and gambling addict and he neglected her and the relationship. She also didn’t have a family background of emotionally caring people.  They were very much about perfectionism and living up to an image and ideals. She was hospitalized for depression and I had to stay with my grandparents. I missed her greatly and wanted her to come home, looking at her portrait and yearning for my mother’s love.  It was my first grief. 

Fast forward to being in grade school. I excelled at math and public speaking.  I did well at public speaking because my mom put her attention on me and gave me all the encouragement and guidance on how to present myself to the world.  She taught me the ins and outs of what it takes to be a leader because of what she observed with her father who overcame this fear himself.  I made it to the semi-finals 4 years in a row. Until grade 8.  That was the year, when 2 weeks before I had to give a speech in front of my class, that my mother was hospitalized again for depression, for similar reasons as before – a husband who mistreated her, working in a job she hated, and feeling the weight and burden of having to be everything to everybody. She had nothing left for herself. At the time, I didn’t understand that. All I knew was that my mother was gone, sad and unavailable. And I had no one to write my speech with me. 

On the day I had to stand up and speak, I was completely unprepared. I broke down in tears in front of my classmates. They expected that I would be shining, winning the prize yet again, and fully capable. It felt humiliating, even though it was probably the best thing that happened to keep me humble, that I was human, too, and I had my crazy home life to contend with.

After that point, I gave up on trying to succeed. I didn’t make goals or strive for anything more. I believed I would inevitably fail. Even when I succeeded at small things, it somehow didn’t matter. It wasn’t the same – I just wanted my mom there, to be proud of me, and to hold my hand and tell me I was going to make it. Otherwise, it felt like empty success. So I’d stay in the shadows of leader-types, or actors or public speakers. I’d let them do the talking while I’d watch them get the applause.

Through therapy and inner work, I have had to regain confidence in my ability to write and publically speak. And in the last 2 years, I’ve had the floodgates open up. I had a book launch, I’ve been asked to speak publically by various people, and I’ve done online webinars. And I’m excited about being a spokesperson for the child-free movement.

  

So what I’ve learned from this whole experience is that:

1)      In order to succeed at something, we need the support of a loving, encouraging and caring person – not just a webinar series or a manual

2)      At some point, we have to go out on our own and apply our knowledge. Everyone leaves our lives for various reasons, even though they touch our lives in some way that puts us on our path.

3)      In order to feel successful, we need the emotions to be involved – to feel appreciated, cared about and seen and heard for who we are on the inside

4)      Women mentors and guides are a lifelong need for me because I didn’t have enough of it consistently in my childhood.  A mentor makes the difference for me in making my inner heart’s desires come true, and someone who I get to choose, if they are willing, to support me on the path of life to succeed in whatever area so I can feel content, fulfilled and at peace with who I am and what I’ve contributed.

All of these are reasons why I also want to pay it forward and be a mentor to child-free women. I believe child-free women are on the path of success and fulfillment of their inner heart and they just need someone who “gets it” and wants to help them to step into their confidence, talents and abilities.  I believe that a happy and healthy woman is evolutionary rather than a stressed out woman who has to sacrifice her needs in order to care for a smaller being. Although a noble and necessary task to raise a human, the mother in the end, takes the toll.

So if this speaks to you, and you want to explore working together so you can get the support to succeed in any area of your life where you are validated for who you are and where you are in your life, please apply for a “Nurture Your Soul” Session through my site at: www.childfreeheart.com

Here’s to your sense of fulfillment and joy in the world…

Thank you Letter to a Mentor

This is a thank you letter I wrote to the first person who opened me up to writing.  It is a way to acknowledge and gain the wisdom and strength for a talent or gift I've been fortunate enough to express and hone in this lifetime.  Many women writers have to carve out time and space in their homes to write in the middle of raising kids. I am fortunate I don't have to worry about that extra distraction and really have no excuses not to write.

What is one talent you have been able to develop in your life. Who would you want to thank as the first person who gave this to you? Is there a letter you would like to write?

Dear Mr. Curtis,

Although you were a rigid and harsh teacher, you were the one who pushed your students to excel. Being in your classroom of gifted students, or was it underprivileged smart kids now that I see the mix of who we were then, I knew there was something more that I was to become than the kid struggling to get through her day because of the problems at home. I just didn’t quite know what it was it then, of course.

But I must say, I was surprised that you picked me to go to the Author Authors’ conference in Grade 6. Was it because I did well at public speaking? Or maybe it was because I was a volunteer “Bookie Monster” at the school library. I really don’t know to this day.

But it did surprise me that you saw this potential in me, because I frankly didn’t. I knew I was good at math and I knew I could make a presentation. But I really felt like I had no voice at home and needed my mom to write my speeches. So it was strange you sent me. But I’m glad you did.

I have had a love/hate relationship with writing all throughout my life.  It seems to follow me, wherever I go.  But it’s something that I have to do, for some reason.  

After leaving your class, writing continued to haunt me. I even had a best friend who gave me journals throughout high school to write in. And thank goodness she did. They were my saving grace in the midst of a chaotic home.  I’d say that it was my journals that kept me connected to my truth and my voice and were my source of guidance.

I even worked for writers’ organizations and have learned about the business of writing.  I have slept with writers, befriended writers and met really noteworthy writers. They have been all around me, wanting me to belong in that circle.

And you know, English was my worst subject of all of them in high school. I got 70%s rather than 90s, which were my usual grades for math. It really doesn’t make sense that I’m choosing to write, other than somehow needing the challenge to master something really, freakin’ difficult and the part of me that can’t handle being bad at something.

Even the whole lifestyle of a writer freaks me out, quite frankly. Living in a way that is frustrated and lonely, hoping someone accepts you, having to come up with ideas only to be criticized or persecuted. For what? The fleeting satisfaction of a quippy statement or finished project? It’s an endless battle of words, concepts, ideas playing out. For what, ultimately? A need to have endless conversations with oneself hoping someone will listen? Trying to get someone to know you in a different, more intimate way?

I’ve come up with a million excuses not to write. Well, what happens if I go blind? Or get arthritis in my hands?  Or I just plain ol’ suck at it and I’ve wasted a ton of energy?  Or I’ll get persecuted and thrown into prison because words can be dangerous. 

But since you sent me to that conference, I’ve had some ridiculous need to express something through words, create something or publish something. I’ve even tried to let go of the English language by immersing myself in Spanish while living in Mexico. I resisted teaching English as a second language to make a living because I just wanted the bloody words to go away. These words have just clouded up my mind and show how little I know and how inadequate I feel. They’ve caused me a whole host of inner problems and interpersonal conflicts with miscommunication.

But this writers’ itch just won’t go away no matter how many mantras, yoga poses, meditations, and personal growth work sessions I do.  I have to put my thoughts and feelings on paper and make sense of them.  I have to feel like someone’s listening, even if it’s just myself. I need to have a way to tune into my truth and feelings even if chaos and conflict are happening all around me. And writing does it. It gives me the sanctuary of my words and affirms that my life has dignity. Writing has helped me see clearly the path ahead, helping me see the mystery and the power of telling tales to teach about lessons on the soul path.  I have even helped people through my writing of blog posts and facebook posts and emails. I have been able to hear others’ voices through their writing and see their humanity and struggles.  Without writing, I know I would have felt all alone with myself and couldn’t connect or communicate with others.  It would have been a lonely world.

So, Mr. Curtis, I have to thank you for seeing something in me I didn’t see in myself, giving me a lifetime of trying to master and reject and reclaim who I am through this gift and curse of writing.  It’s helped me keep my sanity and understand deeper truths about myself and life.  Without it, it would have been a cold, empty world of math and accounting. You gave me a gift like no other and that has helped me become a more self-aware and conscious person, because you saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself making me into a better human being. For this, I thank you.