Child-free Women as Friends of the Goddess

When I was in my early 20s, my mother gave me a meditation book called “365 days of the Goddess” and my sister gave me a Goddess Oracle deck.  Since then I’ve had an on-again-off-again fascination of the Goddess Path. 

Women came in and out of my life who would wear the Goddess symbol, make beeswax candles, or do fabulous paintings depicting the Goddess. They would be healers or artists or writers. They seemed deeply satisfied and connected to who they were, and I wanted that kind of magic. 

I’ve explored various paths to the Goddess – the Avalonian Path, Wiccan Path, the Christian Mystical Path, the Buddhist Path, and the Reiki path.  All of them had various elements in them that I have learned a great deal from. Some have more complicated rituals, others feel more like a knowing and a connection, and still others are about manifestation and seeing the deeper archetypes within oneself. 

Whenever I would stray away from the Goddess path and choose something more modern in my spirituality like Law of Attraction, Basic Meditation, or yoga, there would still be something missing in it for me – like I needed that connection to a divine being within me and around me, and one that was deeply compassionate about the woman’s journey, need for prayer and connection to the moon cycles.  The spiritual path felt empty without the presence of Her within and around me, and it was up to me how I wanted to relate with Her, in a way that matches who I am and my values.

As I’ve been exploring this path of the Goddess and the Child-free Woman, I’ve learned quite a few things.  The first is that many Priestesses who are now known as Goddesses were Child-free by Choice. Women who didn’t want to take the traditional path of motherhood would plead to the Gods and Goddess and the Priestesshood that they could serve the divine and the community henceforth.  She became a divine channel and vessel to serve the community in whatever way needed.  We see how this also manifested later on with patriarchal religions that made women take a vow of celibacy to the serve the Lord as nuns.

The second thing I have learned is that many Priestesses were seers and healers, and they would be consulted as the wise women of the community because they could see the big picture.  It was understood that they had the wisdom and detachment to be able to provide clear guidance without having a vested interest in child-rearing.  There was a lot of respect for who she was, which is quite different than how it is now in our world.  Parents respected her voice and guidance for their kids.

Another element of the Goddess Path and its reclamation is that it is connected to a woman’s liberation path. It is meant to help a woman in the attainment of her wholeness, well-being, potential and capacity to make a social impact in the world. Being child-free is an act of empowerment in and of itself.  Choosing not to be a mother is one step towards women choosing what they do and don’t want in their lives.  (This isn’t to say that being a mother is not liberated, just that the act of not choosing is a step towards personal freedom).

I have also come to understand that Child-free Women are not on the path of mothering, they are on the path of friendship.  It’s a simple but nuanced difference. Mothering implies nursing, raising, feeding and dealing with the day-to-day tasks of child-rearing or even having a dominant say in how things go in the lives of others.  Whereas, friendship is about a mutually beneficial exchange of care, respect and boundaries with others. The obligations and expectations are not the same and it is about seeing each other through the eyes of our true natures rather than the prescribed roles of parenting.  So the approach to the Goddess is one of forming an inner friendship with oneself and all beings, including the Goddess Herself. When we find friendship within and around us, we make choices that then serve the Goddess that is meant for Child-free Women. For example, if I need to heal a critical voice within me that says I’m not good enough and it’s leading me into self-sabotage, then I will see how others are operating with that inner voice and be way more compassionate with them and find a way to help them.

I would love to hear your take on the Goddess path for Chlid-free Women. I believe it’s a relatively new exploration in this way of acknowledging a woman positive spirituality.  If you would like to explore further, please join me for monthly Goddess Meditations & Friendship Circles for Child-free Women by Choice in Toronto.  You can email me for more info: heather@blossomingheart.ca

Blessed be to the Goddess within you,

Heather Embree
www.childfreeheart.ca

The Power of Kinship

At the Summer Solstice, I received the message from the land and the fire that this coming cycle is about kinship and support.  It was interesting to me that the term "kinship" was used, not the term "friendship".  Which made me think about how this applies to the Child-free community.

Kinship is an even deeper bond than friendship. There is something "family" about it. Where similar jokes, perspectives, life position all play a part, even if there is diversity in lives and lifestyles amongst us.  It's like a sisterhood, which will include varying voices, preferences and relationships, but at the core a connection that is beyond time.

Throughout history, child-free women have walked a lonely path. We have either been scapegoated, deemed invisible or pitied by the family-dominated world.  Society hasn't seen a necessity for us to gather and share, and so many of us just walk an independent path even believing that we don't have needs for support.  Which is absolutely insane because everyone needs support.  In fact, studies have shown that the most successful people in life are those that have a strong community.

This is why I wanted to create social gatherings and retreats for Child-free Women. We need space to laugh, joke, release emotions, share our stories and have compassion for the difficulties of living in a world that pressures us to love babies and have them.  We need a space to affirm and claim for ourselves that we have different dreams and goals than mothers do and a lifestyle that meets our needs and unique path.  We are meant to live closer to our truth, of what is really in our hearts, not out of social obligation. But it's hard to do that and keep the strength and courage alive when there aren't others who give us feedback.  


If you would like to connect to more child-free kin, I'd suggest the following:

1) Join the Persephone's Heart Society -- a free online community

2) Come to a Meetup.com event in Peterborough, Toronto or Guelph if you live in those areas

3) Come to a Retreat for Child-free Women

The Healing Path of Being a Child-free Woman

Many people think that Child-free Women don’t have any problems. Just because we aren’t chasing kids to school or figuring out how to balance work and parenting, there is a belief that we are in a place of ease and joy all the time and we don’t have any needs. 

But I beg to differ.  We have unique challenges and dynamics that have led to stress and relationship difficulties. There is a different loneliness or path of the Child-free Woman that requires healing.  Much of it is rooted in the regular bumps and bruises of life, but also from the very experience of being “different than the pack”. 

As Child-free Women, we have the chance to heal core wounds that have blocked us from our joy, freedom and happiness – this can come in the form of negative or false inner beliefs, carrying different perspectives than the masses, relationship conflicts, emotional challenges and moral dilemmas.  Many of us may not even know where to begin to scratch the surface. Or some of us may have spent years in therapy and already have that understanding.

For myself and from my experience doing metaphysical healing for 7 years, I’ve come to learn about the power of stress (inner and outer) on the well-being of a person.  All of us will know that being a mother is stressful, 90% of the time – no matter if the child is easy going or not. It’s usually one of the many reasons why people choose not to have kids (I’m one of those people and I know I’d have a nervous breakdown if I did have them).   But there is also hidden stress that comes in and is unique for Child-free Women. 

Here are some examples:

Stress of being different than the pack – on a fundamental level, we all want and need to feel we belong.  Anyone who strays outside of the mainstream and biologically dominant cultural way of doing this will feel alone, nervous, isolated, misunderstood and abandoned.  As a child-free woman – that is someone who chooses not to have kids, which is different than someone who wants to have them –she is essentially saying that she is leaving the pack of women who are innately conditioned or expected to birth something out of her womb. She is saying “no” to something that is considered a fundamental quality of physical life on the planet.

Psychological stress of an identity crisis or a sense of not knowing one’s unique self and gifts.  This can come in for those child-free women who don’t have a circle of friends, family or community who acknowledge her unique path of not having kids.  If all she is surrounded by is mothers and baby talk, a child-free woman can feel lost, confused, in self-doubt and wondering if there is something weird about her.

Relationship stress that can come from emotional abuse and neglect with people who can’t relate or belittle her choice to be child-free.  It can also be stressful to be in a position of watching kids being mistreated and feeling powerless and unable to do anything about it as the aunt or citizen.  

On top of that, there are judgments, criticisms and jealousies that child-free women can get from mothers. There is the difficulty of having to resist the pressures and expectations may have of you to care for their kids or engage in their stress.

It can also come in if there is a conflict you may have with a partner who suddenly wants kids. Or you can’t find a person who is on the same page as you in the lifestyle of being child-free. 

Childhood Wounds stress – many child-free people decided not to have kids because they didn’t want to pass on the stress, abuse, neglect or suffering to the next generation. They may still hold wounds from childhood that need to be processed but are still affecting their adult lives – things like anxiety, depression, self-criticism, feeling rejected, loneliness...are all by-products of childhood wounds.

Save-the-World stress -- oh yes – the feeling that because one doesn’t have kids that one needs to do more and more and more to help the world. I’ve been there and am still there. I have a desire to help a lot of humanity to come to peace and well-being and love within and with each other. This can lead to burnout stress and something that many child-free women struggle with.

Regular ol’ everyday life stress – just like everybody else, child-free people have the regular ups and downs of life, money, health, losses, insecurities that affect us.  We got those problems, too!

This is why I’ve created the Embrace Your Heart Year-long Healing Series in the Guelph-area with my friend and colleague Roxana Roshon.  

We will be incorporating our knowledge of alternative healing, spirituality and being child-free to support the process of coming into balance, peace, self-awareness and creative expression.  These will be retreat days that will help us redefine our self-image, connect to nature, and feel self-love and self-acceptance infuse into our beings.

Our first retreat will be on Sunday July 16^th from 9:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. The focus will be on “The Story of Your Soul” to help you heal and find inner strength and meaning with some of the challenging experiences you’ve had in your life. We will do some family-of-origin and ancestral healing to have you stand in your truth and light without guilt, fear or abandonment. 

There will be other retreats, too, so please stay tuned to the web site at: www.childfreeheart.com for more information.

Here’s to being a happy, free and healthy child-free woman!

Soul Oracle Consulting for Child-free Women

I started the Child-free Heart as an answer to an inner yearning and a need that I saw in the world to support Child-free Women so they can have more creative fulfillment, freedom, well-being, and happiness in the world. It is in alignment with my karmic purpose to support the path of women's liberation in all aspects of her being: her body, in her relationships, her voice, her sexuality and her sense of self.

Through my Soul Oracle Packages that I offer, I see each child-free woman through the lens of her potential for wholeness, and the support she needs to stand in her truth and strength, despite the social pressures for her to belong to the pack of being an earth mother. 

I am not a typical "psychic" in that I don't tell you what you have to do or that a certain path in life is inevitable. I would identify myself as an oracle which means I'm able to see patterns and lessons from the past and the wisdom and understanding needed to create a new reality. I also can connect with those who have passed on to the other side as a source of love, forgiveness, insight and wisdom.

I believe that everything and everyone has a choice, and I offer you the wisdom and understanding you need to make those choices so your heart's desires are honoured and there is a sense of personal peace and inner contentment and a sense of joy and laughter, as well. I am known for my deep listening, compassion and accuracy with each of my clients.

I value and cherish the spiritual path of the feminine which includes being a seer/oracle to guide others. In fact, historically in Goddess times and in Indigenous Spiritual Traditions, the Child-free Woman was known to be the seer/wise woman of the community because she could access the higher perspective.
 

Sometimes I use divining tools like oracle cards, and other times I setup objects to examine the unseen patterns in your life. I am also a lucid dreamer and will often dream about my clients' issues the day before the session.

If you would like to explore working together, I invite you to book a FREE Nourish Your Soul Session with me or to book one of the packages that I offer.

With gratitude and appreciation,

Heather Embree

Success Comes with Loving Support

Since I was a kid, I have always been ambitious. I think it started with an insatiable need to compete with my older sister. She knew how to ride a bike, walk on her own to school, buy really cool clothes, kiss boys, connect to spirits on the other side and leave home for the sake of her truth. I looked up to her in many ways and in other ways I resisted her, too.  She liked the colour pink, played with dolls and wanted so much to be a mom and work with kids. She grew up to be a shopaholic, passionate lover of dangerous men, and conforms into the suburban, middle-class lifestyle. 

Whereas I’m a super-sensitive minimalist, child-free woman who prefers travelling, natural health and artistic expression – traits that were actually more like my mother. I did well at school, was a bit of a loner and questioned everything to death. I never wanted to have kids, I hated shopping, and I loved quirky, out-of-the-box people.  I planned things out in my life, diligently worked on a stamp collection and would strive to do well at anything I set my mind to. I had a strong will and a love of concepts and ideals. T.V. bored me to tears. My sister would call me a "contrarian". My mother called me a "late bloomer". I called me a "maverick".

When I was about 2 years old, my mother fell into a depression. She was in a relationship with my father who was a womanizer and gambling addict and he neglected her and the relationship. She also didn’t have a family background of emotionally caring people.  They were very much about perfectionism and living up to an image and ideals. She was hospitalized for depression and I had to stay with my grandparents. I missed her greatly and wanted her to come home, looking at her portrait and yearning for my mother’s love.  It was my first grief. 

Fast forward to being in grade school. I excelled at math and public speaking.  I did well at public speaking because my mom put her attention on me and gave me all the encouragement and guidance on how to present myself to the world.  She taught me the ins and outs of what it takes to be a leader because of what she observed with her father who overcame this fear himself.  I made it to the semi-finals 4 years in a row. Until grade 8.  That was the year, when 2 weeks before I had to give a speech in front of my class, that my mother was hospitalized again for depression, for similar reasons as before – a husband who mistreated her, working in a job she hated, and feeling the weight and burden of having to be everything to everybody. She had nothing left for herself. At the time, I didn’t understand that. All I knew was that my mother was gone, sad and unavailable. And I had no one to write my speech with me. 

On the day I had to stand up and speak, I was completely unprepared. I broke down in tears in front of my classmates. They expected that I would be shining, winning the prize yet again, and fully capable. It felt humiliating, even though it was probably the best thing that happened to keep me humble, that I was human, too, and I had my crazy home life to contend with.

After that point, I gave up on trying to succeed. I didn’t make goals or strive for anything more. I believed I would inevitably fail. Even when I succeeded at small things, it somehow didn’t matter. It wasn’t the same – I just wanted my mom there, to be proud of me, and to hold my hand and tell me I was going to make it. Otherwise, it felt like empty success. So I’d stay in the shadows of leader-types, or actors or public speakers. I’d let them do the talking while I’d watch them get the applause.

Through therapy and inner work, I have had to regain confidence in my ability to write and publically speak. And in the last 2 years, I’ve had the floodgates open up. I had a book launch, I’ve been asked to speak publically by various people, and I’ve done online webinars. And I’m excited about being a spokesperson for the child-free movement.

  

So what I’ve learned from this whole experience is that:

1)      In order to succeed at something, we need the support of a loving, encouraging and caring person – not just a webinar series or a manual

2)      At some point, we have to go out on our own and apply our knowledge. Everyone leaves our lives for various reasons, even though they touch our lives in some way that puts us on our path.

3)      In order to feel successful, we need the emotions to be involved – to feel appreciated, cared about and seen and heard for who we are on the inside

4)      Women mentors and guides are a lifelong need for me because I didn’t have enough of it consistently in my childhood.  A mentor makes the difference for me in making my inner heart’s desires come true, and someone who I get to choose, if they are willing, to support me on the path of life to succeed in whatever area so I can feel content, fulfilled and at peace with who I am and what I’ve contributed.

All of these are reasons why I also want to pay it forward and be a mentor to child-free women. I believe child-free women are on the path of success and fulfillment of their inner heart and they just need someone who “gets it” and wants to help them to step into their confidence, talents and abilities.  I believe that a happy and healthy woman is evolutionary rather than a stressed out woman who has to sacrifice her needs in order to care for a smaller being. Although a noble and necessary task to raise a human, the mother in the end, takes the toll.

So if this speaks to you, and you want to explore working together so you can get the support to succeed in any area of your life where you are validated for who you are and where you are in your life, please apply for a “Nurture Your Soul” Session through my site at: www.childfreeheart.com

Here’s to your sense of fulfillment and joy in the world…

Thank you Letter to a Mentor

This is a thank you letter I wrote to the first person who opened me up to writing.  It is a way to acknowledge and gain the wisdom and strength for a talent or gift I've been fortunate enough to express and hone in this lifetime.  Many women writers have to carve out time and space in their homes to write in the middle of raising kids. I am fortunate I don't have to worry about that extra distraction and really have no excuses not to write.

What is one talent you have been able to develop in your life. Who would you want to thank as the first person who gave this to you? Is there a letter you would like to write?

Dear Mr. Curtis,

Although you were a rigid and harsh teacher, you were the one who pushed your students to excel. Being in your classroom of gifted students, or was it underprivileged smart kids now that I see the mix of who we were then, I knew there was something more that I was to become than the kid struggling to get through her day because of the problems at home. I just didn’t quite know what it was it then, of course.

But I must say, I was surprised that you picked me to go to the Author Authors’ conference in Grade 6. Was it because I did well at public speaking? Or maybe it was because I was a volunteer “Bookie Monster” at the school library. I really don’t know to this day.

But it did surprise me that you saw this potential in me, because I frankly didn’t. I knew I was good at math and I knew I could make a presentation. But I really felt like I had no voice at home and needed my mom to write my speeches. So it was strange you sent me. But I’m glad you did.

I have had a love/hate relationship with writing all throughout my life.  It seems to follow me, wherever I go.  But it’s something that I have to do, for some reason.  

After leaving your class, writing continued to haunt me. I even had a best friend who gave me journals throughout high school to write in. And thank goodness she did. They were my saving grace in the midst of a chaotic home.  I’d say that it was my journals that kept me connected to my truth and my voice and were my source of guidance.

I even worked for writers’ organizations and have learned about the business of writing.  I have slept with writers, befriended writers and met really noteworthy writers. They have been all around me, wanting me to belong in that circle.

And you know, English was my worst subject of all of them in high school. I got 70%s rather than 90s, which were my usual grades for math. It really doesn’t make sense that I’m choosing to write, other than somehow needing the challenge to master something really, freakin’ difficult and the part of me that can’t handle being bad at something.

Even the whole lifestyle of a writer freaks me out, quite frankly. Living in a way that is frustrated and lonely, hoping someone accepts you, having to come up with ideas only to be criticized or persecuted. For what? The fleeting satisfaction of a quippy statement or finished project? It’s an endless battle of words, concepts, ideas playing out. For what, ultimately? A need to have endless conversations with oneself hoping someone will listen? Trying to get someone to know you in a different, more intimate way?

I’ve come up with a million excuses not to write. Well, what happens if I go blind? Or get arthritis in my hands?  Or I just plain ol’ suck at it and I’ve wasted a ton of energy?  Or I’ll get persecuted and thrown into prison because words can be dangerous. 

But since you sent me to that conference, I’ve had some ridiculous need to express something through words, create something or publish something. I’ve even tried to let go of the English language by immersing myself in Spanish while living in Mexico. I resisted teaching English as a second language to make a living because I just wanted the bloody words to go away. These words have just clouded up my mind and show how little I know and how inadequate I feel. They’ve caused me a whole host of inner problems and interpersonal conflicts with miscommunication.

But this writers’ itch just won’t go away no matter how many mantras, yoga poses, meditations, and personal growth work sessions I do.  I have to put my thoughts and feelings on paper and make sense of them.  I have to feel like someone’s listening, even if it’s just myself. I need to have a way to tune into my truth and feelings even if chaos and conflict are happening all around me. And writing does it. It gives me the sanctuary of my words and affirms that my life has dignity. Writing has helped me see clearly the path ahead, helping me see the mystery and the power of telling tales to teach about lessons on the soul path.  I have even helped people through my writing of blog posts and facebook posts and emails. I have been able to hear others’ voices through their writing and see their humanity and struggles.  Without writing, I know I would have felt all alone with myself and couldn’t connect or communicate with others.  It would have been a lonely world.

So, Mr. Curtis, I have to thank you for seeing something in me I didn’t see in myself, giving me a lifetime of trying to master and reject and reclaim who I am through this gift and curse of writing.  It’s helped me keep my sanity and understand deeper truths about myself and life.  Without it, it would have been a cold, empty world of math and accounting. You gave me a gift like no other and that has helped me become a more self-aware and conscious person, because you saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself making me into a better human being. For this, I thank you.

Family, Ancestors and Being Child-free

I’ve never been a family person.  I have found most family dynamics to be abusive, neglectful and painful.  It could be because of being a child of divorce, or seeing abusive dynamics in the home, or knowing that each family member was feeling hurt, misunderstood and betrayed because of the severe lack of communication, connection and boundaries.  Either way or for whatever reasons – personal and collective, I find the family unit to be terrifying, abandoning and down-right domineering and toxic.  Even the most caring of families, still have their silent codes of agreement that can block a person from being in their truth, strength and joy.

There's gossip, presumptions, expectations and unspoken demands. To me it can be another form of gang warfare and bullying. I’ve been the bully and I’ve been bullied in my family. It’s just all bad and everyone had to get away from each other because the only way we brought out the best in each other was from conflict that led to isolation which led to having to strengthen oneself.

So when I went into the work of Family Constellations, created by Bert Hellinger, I was hesitant. The last thing on the planet I wanted to do was re-connect to family systems and the ancestors.  I had actively worked hard to liberate myself from the insanity of family dynamics and find my own truth. Wasn’t it my family’s fault that I existed or was alive? Wasn’t it their yearning to have me be born that caused me to be on the planet of trauma? Wasn’t it their pain and suffering they passed on to me that made me want to self-destroy? Wasn’t it their lack of love and care that made my life a living hell at times? Why would I want to even engage with such people? I saw their shame and guilt and abusiveness in subtle and overt ways. I could see the ways the mothers and the fathers dominated and took the joy out of the hearts of everyone.

To be drawn back and asked to look at all the dynamics that kept me separated was not something I thought I’d ever wanted to do. But I had come to my path with many questions and painful experiences from leaving my family behind and wondered “Why me? Why did I have to be the one that questioned the family system? Why did I have to actually care about being conscious or that I wanted to be treated with dignity and respect?”  See, I’m of the belief that nothing good comes from the “family at all costs” mentality.  It’s rampant in our culture.  Instead of looking at why we turn a blind eye to the pedophile in the family, or we excuse grandpa from his past of physical abuse of our parent, or how the family’s narcissism has warped the young to be in beauty pageants and their self-worth is only connected to their looks, we have this blanket belief as a society that family must stick together.  Even if your family is a drug-dealing criminal ring. It’s family above all else.

As a child-free woman, I also had no desire to carry forward the family lineage. Yet, because of that, this also added to the wound within the family. There’s an automatic belief, which is probably true, that I’m rejecting my ancestors because I’m not willing to procreate.   One of the reasons I’m child-free is that I don’t want to bring forward the pain, suffering and darkness to the next generation, and that my family has given me such little support that I know I would end up as an impoverished single mother if I even went down that path. It required more courage and energy to do that than what I could muster and I’m not a sucker for punishment and suffering just for the sake of the mother code.

So what value do I see as a child-free woman in the ancestral lineage, doing Family Constellations work?

First of all, I see that it is a chance to resolve unknown pain within my energy field. It comes from the idea that once one person heals in the family system, then it heals past, present and future generations. From my experience with Constellations and with seeing parents and children, the purpose of embodiment is to grow in consciousness and to have the family system acknowledge unknown pain from the ancestors.  So essentially, children will carry forward the wounds and problems of the parents and the ancestors until the family system learns the lessons of love, wisdom and respect. Unfortunately, that means that innocent beings end up getting damaged and beaten up just being the sheer fact of being born and having to deal with the chaos of their human caregivers.

The premise is that when the balance of karma can be resolved, there is no need to procreate.

It reminds me of an Aztec saying I read while I was staying in Oaxaca City, Mexico that implied that if a person doesn’t have children in their lifetime it means they are tying the knots of the family quilt. This means that our work is done for our ancestors and family system and there is no need to continue it onwards.

Secondly, being a child-free woman is a particular position within the family system that often goes unsupported and may even be ridiculed. For me, I’m doing it for the mothers in my ancestral lineage who were unhappy and unfulfilled and couldn’t follow their dreams. I see their oppression, the abuse and the inequalities and I’m saying “stop the madness”. I’m doing it for the aunts in my system who couldn’t or didn’t want to have children and instead made a difference in society but were unsupported and unseen.  I’m doing it for the women who died during childbirth and never had a chance to reach their potential. I’m doing it for the men who felt unconsciously guilty for having all the power and are ready to see a woman step forward with her strength and independence. I’m doing it for the parents who were exhausted and depressed and filled with regrets for pro-creating. I’m doing it for all the people who got neglected because parenting took up all of their energy and they had to turn away from those in need. I’m doing it for the women who had abortions and miscarriages and didn’t have any societal support and were shamed. I’m doing it for the women who lost their children too soon. I’m doing it for the men who never wanted to be fathers but did it because the women got pregnant. I’m doing it for the smart girls and women who saw through the pressures and wanted to cultivate their intelligence but were ostracized and teased and condemned. I’m doing it for the Earth and all beings, knowing that humans are fundamentally destructive and can be very inconsiderate to beings outside of their own species or tribe.

For all of these reasons and probably more, I do it for my ancestors.

So as a Constellations Facilitator, I approach the work in a way where I want to see my clients move forward from their family, not towards them. I want them to see the deeper layers that keep them stuck in the loyalties of patterns of relating that make them want to join the pack in a "not-so-loving or healthy way". I take the teachings from the Constellations work that highlight the fact that most acts of evil are committed because of the powerful need to belong. 

I want to break that belonging cord and encourage each participant to question exactly why and how they are choosing to relate to the people and beings they do, so they can actually make a different, healthier and more informed choice and let go of the cycle of abuse and neglect.  This is why I changed the name to “Soul Constellations” rather than “Family Constellations” because it is about releasing all beings from the dysfunctionality so they can experience true sovereignty, peace and connection in their hearts, lives and bodies.

Now some will say I have a bias against families and that there is an evolutionary function to them. I would agree on both things. My bias against families is that I’ve seen far too much wounding and unhealthy attachments that people carry because of families. I support people creating a chosen family and something that can meet their needs creatively, emotionally and physically.   I would suggest that in order to create that in a healthy, clear and centred way, we do need to look at our family of origin so we are not perpetuating the dysfunction.  But to stay with the family system without examining it can be dangerous or at least depleting.  The truly evolutionary movement is about looking at each person and saying “no I will not accept that, but yes, I will accept this.” So, in essence, it is about moving away from them with a sense of understanding and compassion and inviting support for that which breaks the pain cycle. And if there is any forward movement or movement towards, it is done from a true heart-centred place rather than from a place of obligation, guilt or shame. I

Thisis about creating authentic relating rather than relating based on power dynamics.  It is also about respecting and honouring the ancestor who carried that suffering so you don’t have to and feel the strength of support available from past generations to continue on your path.

For example, from the work I have done on both sides of the family, I came to understand some key points on what motivates me in the world.  My ancestors came to North America from France, England, Ireland and Germany during the pioneering days.  They have lived in the States and Canada and fought in the Civil War.  I am sure they are responsible for the atrocities of the genocide of First Nations people but I don’t know exactly in what way.  I do know that leaving Europe came from their acts of rebellion against the Church and the Monarchy.  So for me, democracy and freedom are important values, along with reconciliation issues with the First Nations Peoples in Canada, and taking care of the Earth.  Women’s rights are on the forefront, as well, because of the suffering the women in my family had under patriarchal religion and I’m sure some of them were suffragists given their paths of leaving their families behind. 

Knowing these qualities of all the reasons my ancestors did what they did (good, bad and ugly), gives me a strength of purpose in the world and a vision to not take their journeys and struggles in vain.  It makes me step into a humble position rather than an “I don’t need ya” arrogant position, and ensures I stay compassionate to the frailty in all of us.

So if you’re wanting to step forward a little bit more on your path, and want to get the depth of understanding who you are and why you are where you are and how to get out of unconscious loyalties so you can have true freedom and peace, please consider signing up for The Child-free Legacy Package.  Because I want to see happier and more free women in the world.

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Heather Embree is a professional Intuitive, Child-free Mentor, Retreat Facilitator and Author.

She is a child-free woman who knew from a young age that she wanted to do other things with her life than raise and take care of children. She wanted to make a difference in the lives of others and the Earth, and come into her own creative potential. 

She supports child-free women to expand their spirits and fulfill their lives.  For more info, visit: www.TheChildfreeHeart.com