Soul Oracle Consulting for Child-free Women

I started the Child-free Heart as an answer to an inner yearning and a need that I saw in the world to support Child-free Women so they can have more creative fulfillment, freedom, well-being, and happiness in the world. It is in alignment with my karmic purpose to support the path of women's liberation in all aspects of her being: her body, in her relationships, her voice, her sexuality and her sense of self.

Through my Soul Oracle Packages that I offer, I see each child-free woman through the lens of her potential for wholeness, and the support she needs to stand in her truth and strength, despite the social pressures for her to belong to the pack of being an earth mother. 

I am not a typical "psychic" in that I don't tell you what you have to do or that a certain path in life is inevitable. I would identify myself as an oracle which means I'm able to see patterns and lessons from the past and the wisdom and understanding needed to create a new reality. I also can connect with those who have passed on to the other side as a source of love, forgiveness, insight and wisdom.

I believe that everything and everyone has a choice, and I offer you the wisdom and understanding you need to make those choices so your heart's desires are honoured and there is a sense of personal peace and inner contentment and a sense of joy and laughter, as well. I am known for my deep listening, compassion and accuracy with each of my clients.

I value and cherish the spiritual path of the feminine which includes being a seer/oracle to guide others. In fact, historically in Goddess times and in Indigenous Spiritual Traditions, the Child-free Woman was known to be the seer/wise woman of the community because she could access the higher perspective.
 

Sometimes I use divining tools like oracle cards, and other times I setup objects to examine the unseen patterns in your life. I am also a lucid dreamer and will often dream about my clients' issues the day before the session.

If you would like to explore working together, I invite you to book a FREE Nourish Your Soul Session with me or to book one of the packages that I offer.

With gratitude and appreciation,

Heather Embree

Success Comes with Loving Support

Since I was a kid, I have always been ambitious. I think it started with an insatiable need to compete with my older sister. She knew how to ride a bike, walk on her own to school, buy really cool clothes, kiss boys, connect to spirits on the other side and leave home for the sake of her truth. I looked up to her in many ways and in other ways I resisted her, too.  She liked the colour pink, played with dolls and wanted so much to be a mom and work with kids. She grew up to be a shopaholic, passionate lover of dangerous men, and conforms into the suburban, middle-class lifestyle. 

Whereas I’m a super-sensitive minimalist, child-free woman who prefers travelling, natural health and artistic expression – traits that were actually more like my mother. I did well at school, was a bit of a loner and questioned everything to death. I never wanted to have kids, I hated shopping, and I loved quirky, out-of-the-box people.  I planned things out in my life, diligently worked on a stamp collection and would strive to do well at anything I set my mind to. I had a strong will and a love of concepts and ideals. T.V. bored me to tears. My sister would call me a "contrarian". My mother called me a "late bloomer". I called me a "maverick".

When I was about 2 years old, my mother fell into a depression. She was in a relationship with my father who was a womanizer and gambling addict and he neglected her and the relationship. She also didn’t have a family background of emotionally caring people.  They were very much about perfectionism and living up to an image and ideals. She was hospitalized for depression and I had to stay with my grandparents. I missed her greatly and wanted her to come home, looking at her portrait and yearning for my mother’s love.  It was my first grief. 

Fast forward to being in grade school. I excelled at math and public speaking.  I did well at public speaking because my mom put her attention on me and gave me all the encouragement and guidance on how to present myself to the world.  She taught me the ins and outs of what it takes to be a leader because of what she observed with her father who overcame this fear himself.  I made it to the semi-finals 4 years in a row. Until grade 8.  That was the year, when 2 weeks before I had to give a speech in front of my class, that my mother was hospitalized again for depression, for similar reasons as before – a husband who mistreated her, working in a job she hated, and feeling the weight and burden of having to be everything to everybody. She had nothing left for herself. At the time, I didn’t understand that. All I knew was that my mother was gone, sad and unavailable. And I had no one to write my speech with me. 

On the day I had to stand up and speak, I was completely unprepared. I broke down in tears in front of my classmates. They expected that I would be shining, winning the prize yet again, and fully capable. It felt humiliating, even though it was probably the best thing that happened to keep me humble, that I was human, too, and I had my crazy home life to contend with.

After that point, I gave up on trying to succeed. I didn’t make goals or strive for anything more. I believed I would inevitably fail. Even when I succeeded at small things, it somehow didn’t matter. It wasn’t the same – I just wanted my mom there, to be proud of me, and to hold my hand and tell me I was going to make it. Otherwise, it felt like empty success. So I’d stay in the shadows of leader-types, or actors or public speakers. I’d let them do the talking while I’d watch them get the applause.

Through therapy and inner work, I have had to regain confidence in my ability to write and publically speak. And in the last 2 years, I’ve had the floodgates open up. I had a book launch, I’ve been asked to speak publically by various people, and I’ve done online webinars. And I’m excited about being a spokesperson for the child-free movement.

  

So what I’ve learned from this whole experience is that:

1)      In order to succeed at something, we need the support of a loving, encouraging and caring person – not just a webinar series or a manual

2)      At some point, we have to go out on our own and apply our knowledge. Everyone leaves our lives for various reasons, even though they touch our lives in some way that puts us on our path.

3)      In order to feel successful, we need the emotions to be involved – to feel appreciated, cared about and seen and heard for who we are on the inside

4)      Women mentors and guides are a lifelong need for me because I didn’t have enough of it consistently in my childhood.  A mentor makes the difference for me in making my inner heart’s desires come true, and someone who I get to choose, if they are willing, to support me on the path of life to succeed in whatever area so I can feel content, fulfilled and at peace with who I am and what I’ve contributed.

All of these are reasons why I also want to pay it forward and be a mentor to child-free women. I believe child-free women are on the path of success and fulfillment of their inner heart and they just need someone who “gets it” and wants to help them to step into their confidence, talents and abilities.  I believe that a happy and healthy woman is evolutionary rather than a stressed out woman who has to sacrifice her needs in order to care for a smaller being. Although a noble and necessary task to raise a human, the mother in the end, takes the toll.

So if this speaks to you, and you want to explore working together so you can get the support to succeed in any area of your life where you are validated for who you are and where you are in your life, please apply for a “Nurture Your Soul” Session through my site at: www.childfreeheart.com

Here’s to your sense of fulfillment and joy in the world…

Thank you Letter to a Mentor

This is a thank you letter I wrote to the first person who opened me up to writing.  It is a way to acknowledge and gain the wisdom and strength for a talent or gift I've been fortunate enough to express and hone in this lifetime.  Many women writers have to carve out time and space in their homes to write in the middle of raising kids. I am fortunate I don't have to worry about that extra distraction and really have no excuses not to write.

What is one talent you have been able to develop in your life. Who would you want to thank as the first person who gave this to you? Is there a letter you would like to write?

Dear Mr. Curtis,

Although you were a rigid and harsh teacher, you were the one who pushed your students to excel. Being in your classroom of gifted students, or was it underprivileged smart kids now that I see the mix of who we were then, I knew there was something more that I was to become than the kid struggling to get through her day because of the problems at home. I just didn’t quite know what it was it then, of course.

But I must say, I was surprised that you picked me to go to the Author Authors’ conference in Grade 6. Was it because I did well at public speaking? Or maybe it was because I was a volunteer “Bookie Monster” at the school library. I really don’t know to this day.

But it did surprise me that you saw this potential in me, because I frankly didn’t. I knew I was good at math and I knew I could make a presentation. But I really felt like I had no voice at home and needed my mom to write my speeches. So it was strange you sent me. But I’m glad you did.

I have had a love/hate relationship with writing all throughout my life.  It seems to follow me, wherever I go.  But it’s something that I have to do, for some reason.  

After leaving your class, writing continued to haunt me. I even had a best friend who gave me journals throughout high school to write in. And thank goodness she did. They were my saving grace in the midst of a chaotic home.  I’d say that it was my journals that kept me connected to my truth and my voice and were my source of guidance.

I even worked for writers’ organizations and have learned about the business of writing.  I have slept with writers, befriended writers and met really noteworthy writers. They have been all around me, wanting me to belong in that circle.

And you know, English was my worst subject of all of them in high school. I got 70%s rather than 90s, which were my usual grades for math. It really doesn’t make sense that I’m choosing to write, other than somehow needing the challenge to master something really, freakin’ difficult and the part of me that can’t handle being bad at something.

Even the whole lifestyle of a writer freaks me out, quite frankly. Living in a way that is frustrated and lonely, hoping someone accepts you, having to come up with ideas only to be criticized or persecuted. For what? The fleeting satisfaction of a quippy statement or finished project? It’s an endless battle of words, concepts, ideas playing out. For what, ultimately? A need to have endless conversations with oneself hoping someone will listen? Trying to get someone to know you in a different, more intimate way?

I’ve come up with a million excuses not to write. Well, what happens if I go blind? Or get arthritis in my hands?  Or I just plain ol’ suck at it and I’ve wasted a ton of energy?  Or I’ll get persecuted and thrown into prison because words can be dangerous. 

But since you sent me to that conference, I’ve had some ridiculous need to express something through words, create something or publish something. I’ve even tried to let go of the English language by immersing myself in Spanish while living in Mexico. I resisted teaching English as a second language to make a living because I just wanted the bloody words to go away. These words have just clouded up my mind and show how little I know and how inadequate I feel. They’ve caused me a whole host of inner problems and interpersonal conflicts with miscommunication.

But this writers’ itch just won’t go away no matter how many mantras, yoga poses, meditations, and personal growth work sessions I do.  I have to put my thoughts and feelings on paper and make sense of them.  I have to feel like someone’s listening, even if it’s just myself. I need to have a way to tune into my truth and feelings even if chaos and conflict are happening all around me. And writing does it. It gives me the sanctuary of my words and affirms that my life has dignity. Writing has helped me see clearly the path ahead, helping me see the mystery and the power of telling tales to teach about lessons on the soul path.  I have even helped people through my writing of blog posts and facebook posts and emails. I have been able to hear others’ voices through their writing and see their humanity and struggles.  Without writing, I know I would have felt all alone with myself and couldn’t connect or communicate with others.  It would have been a lonely world.

So, Mr. Curtis, I have to thank you for seeing something in me I didn’t see in myself, giving me a lifetime of trying to master and reject and reclaim who I am through this gift and curse of writing.  It’s helped me keep my sanity and understand deeper truths about myself and life.  Without it, it would have been a cold, empty world of math and accounting. You gave me a gift like no other and that has helped me become a more self-aware and conscious person, because you saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself making me into a better human being. For this, I thank you.

Family, Ancestors and Being Child-free

I’ve never been a family person.  I have found most family dynamics to be abusive, neglectful and painful.  It could be because of being a child of divorce, or seeing abusive dynamics in the home, or knowing that each family member was feeling hurt, misunderstood and betrayed because of the severe lack of communication, connection and boundaries.  Either way or for whatever reasons – personal and collective, I find the family unit to be terrifying, abandoning and down-right domineering and toxic.  Even the most caring of families, still have their silent codes of agreement that can block a person from being in their truth, strength and joy.

There's gossip, presumptions, expectations and unspoken demands. To me it can be another form of gang warfare and bullying. I’ve been the bully and I’ve been bullied in my family. It’s just all bad and everyone had to get away from each other because the only way we brought out the best in each other was from conflict that led to isolation which led to having to strengthen oneself.

So when I went into the work of Family Constellations, created by Bert Hellinger, I was hesitant. The last thing on the planet I wanted to do was re-connect to family systems and the ancestors.  I had actively worked hard to liberate myself from the insanity of family dynamics and find my own truth. Wasn’t it my family’s fault that I existed or was alive? Wasn’t it their yearning to have me be born that caused me to be on the planet of trauma? Wasn’t it their pain and suffering they passed on to me that made me want to self-destroy? Wasn’t it their lack of love and care that made my life a living hell at times? Why would I want to even engage with such people? I saw their shame and guilt and abusiveness in subtle and overt ways. I could see the ways the mothers and the fathers dominated and took the joy out of the hearts of everyone.

To be drawn back and asked to look at all the dynamics that kept me separated was not something I thought I’d ever wanted to do. But I had come to my path with many questions and painful experiences from leaving my family behind and wondered “Why me? Why did I have to be the one that questioned the family system? Why did I have to actually care about being conscious or that I wanted to be treated with dignity and respect?”  See, I’m of the belief that nothing good comes from the “family at all costs” mentality.  It’s rampant in our culture.  Instead of looking at why we turn a blind eye to the pedophile in the family, or we excuse grandpa from his past of physical abuse of our parent, or how the family’s narcissism has warped the young to be in beauty pageants and their self-worth is only connected to their looks, we have this blanket belief as a society that family must stick together.  Even if your family is a drug-dealing criminal ring. It’s family above all else.

As a child-free woman, I also had no desire to carry forward the family lineage. Yet, because of that, this also added to the wound within the family. There’s an automatic belief, which is probably true, that I’m rejecting my ancestors because I’m not willing to procreate.   One of the reasons I’m child-free is that I don’t want to bring forward the pain, suffering and darkness to the next generation, and that my family has given me such little support that I know I would end up as an impoverished single mother if I even went down that path. It required more courage and energy to do that than what I could muster and I’m not a sucker for punishment and suffering just for the sake of the mother code.

So what value do I see as a child-free woman in the ancestral lineage, doing Family Constellations work?

First of all, I see that it is a chance to resolve unknown pain within my energy field. It comes from the idea that once one person heals in the family system, then it heals past, present and future generations. From my experience with Constellations and with seeing parents and children, the purpose of embodiment is to grow in consciousness and to have the family system acknowledge unknown pain from the ancestors.  So essentially, children will carry forward the wounds and problems of the parents and the ancestors until the family system learns the lessons of love, wisdom and respect. Unfortunately, that means that innocent beings end up getting damaged and beaten up just being the sheer fact of being born and having to deal with the chaos of their human caregivers.

The premise is that when the balance of karma can be resolved, there is no need to procreate.

It reminds me of an Aztec saying I read while I was staying in Oaxaca City, Mexico that implied that if a person doesn’t have children in their lifetime it means they are tying the knots of the family quilt. This means that our work is done for our ancestors and family system and there is no need to continue it onwards.

Secondly, being a child-free woman is a particular position within the family system that often goes unsupported and may even be ridiculed. For me, I’m doing it for the mothers in my ancestral lineage who were unhappy and unfulfilled and couldn’t follow their dreams. I see their oppression, the abuse and the inequalities and I’m saying “stop the madness”. I’m doing it for the aunts in my system who couldn’t or didn’t want to have children and instead made a difference in society but were unsupported and unseen.  I’m doing it for the women who died during childbirth and never had a chance to reach their potential. I’m doing it for the men who felt unconsciously guilty for having all the power and are ready to see a woman step forward with her strength and independence. I’m doing it for the parents who were exhausted and depressed and filled with regrets for pro-creating. I’m doing it for all the people who got neglected because parenting took up all of their energy and they had to turn away from those in need. I’m doing it for the women who had abortions and miscarriages and didn’t have any societal support and were shamed. I’m doing it for the women who lost their children too soon. I’m doing it for the men who never wanted to be fathers but did it because the women got pregnant. I’m doing it for the smart girls and women who saw through the pressures and wanted to cultivate their intelligence but were ostracized and teased and condemned. I’m doing it for the Earth and all beings, knowing that humans are fundamentally destructive and can be very inconsiderate to beings outside of their own species or tribe.

For all of these reasons and probably more, I do it for my ancestors.

So as a Constellations Facilitator, I approach the work in a way where I want to see my clients move forward from their family, not towards them. I want them to see the deeper layers that keep them stuck in the loyalties of patterns of relating that make them want to join the pack in a "not-so-loving or healthy way". I take the teachings from the Constellations work that highlight the fact that most acts of evil are committed because of the powerful need to belong. 

I want to break that belonging cord and encourage each participant to question exactly why and how they are choosing to relate to the people and beings they do, so they can actually make a different, healthier and more informed choice and let go of the cycle of abuse and neglect.  This is why I changed the name to “Soul Constellations” rather than “Family Constellations” because it is about releasing all beings from the dysfunctionality so they can experience true sovereignty, peace and connection in their hearts, lives and bodies.

Now some will say I have a bias against families and that there is an evolutionary function to them. I would agree on both things. My bias against families is that I’ve seen far too much wounding and unhealthy attachments that people carry because of families. I support people creating a chosen family and something that can meet their needs creatively, emotionally and physically.   I would suggest that in order to create that in a healthy, clear and centred way, we do need to look at our family of origin so we are not perpetuating the dysfunction.  But to stay with the family system without examining it can be dangerous or at least depleting.  The truly evolutionary movement is about looking at each person and saying “no I will not accept that, but yes, I will accept this.” So, in essence, it is about moving away from them with a sense of understanding and compassion and inviting support for that which breaks the pain cycle. And if there is any forward movement or movement towards, it is done from a true heart-centred place rather than from a place of obligation, guilt or shame. I

Thisis about creating authentic relating rather than relating based on power dynamics.  It is also about respecting and honouring the ancestor who carried that suffering so you don’t have to and feel the strength of support available from past generations to continue on your path.

For example, from the work I have done on both sides of the family, I came to understand some key points on what motivates me in the world.  My ancestors came to North America from France, England, Ireland and Germany during the pioneering days.  They have lived in the States and Canada and fought in the Civil War.  I am sure they are responsible for the atrocities of the genocide of First Nations people but I don’t know exactly in what way.  I do know that leaving Europe came from their acts of rebellion against the Church and the Monarchy.  So for me, democracy and freedom are important values, along with reconciliation issues with the First Nations Peoples in Canada, and taking care of the Earth.  Women’s rights are on the forefront, as well, because of the suffering the women in my family had under patriarchal religion and I’m sure some of them were suffragists given their paths of leaving their families behind. 

Knowing these qualities of all the reasons my ancestors did what they did (good, bad and ugly), gives me a strength of purpose in the world and a vision to not take their journeys and struggles in vain.  It makes me step into a humble position rather than an “I don’t need ya” arrogant position, and ensures I stay compassionate to the frailty in all of us.

So if you’re wanting to step forward a little bit more on your path, and want to get the depth of understanding who you are and why you are where you are and how to get out of unconscious loyalties so you can have true freedom and peace, please consider signing up for The Child-free Legacy Package.  Because I want to see happier and more free women in the world.

***

Heather Embree is a professional Intuitive, Child-free Mentor, Retreat Facilitator and Author.

She is a child-free woman who knew from a young age that she wanted to do other things with her life than raise and take care of children. She wanted to make a difference in the lives of others and the Earth, and come into her own creative potential. 

She supports child-free women to expand their spirits and fulfill their lives.  For more info, visit: www.TheChildfreeHeart.com

Your Child-free Legacy

On the life path, many of us feel a calling to make some kind of impact in the world, to have our influence that shows we existed and we mattered.

Many parents feel their legacy is through birthing kids and raising them – which means their name lives on, their quirks and things they care about are expressed through the generations, and they are seen in family photos long after they have died. Some pass on their businesses to the next generation, others do family charity events while others give the inheritance of property and money to the kids and grandkids. They are at least seen and acknowledged by the family for who they are, even if they were healthy or unhealthy people.

But what about your legacy when you don’t have children? How does that need get filled when you don’t have descendants? What makes you particularly special in the fact you didn’t have kids?  Where are your eternal gifts and influence going to be made to make the world a better place?

What if I were to tell you that your legacy has to do with the fact you chose (consciously or unconsciously) to be child-free in your family, and that you are part of the evolutionary step forward for your ancestors?  That the key to your fulfillment can be found in the faces of where you came from, giving you the strength, encouragement and support of making a difference amongst humanity? 

Often times, we think it is obvious – well, I’m child-free because I saw my mother suffering from being a single mother, or it was a difficult childbirth, or because I am gay and never wanted to fit into the traditional model of family. 

But I want to take it deeper, where you really tune into the reality of the consciousness (hopes, dreams, struggles and perspectives) that have shaped you and all those before you. Where you discover what it is that your lineage has been trying to work out through you, even though they may not be aware of it.

I will share with you my personal experience with this.  I have only been able to come to this from doing my own growth work with Family/Soul Constellations (which I can explain another time), meditation and support groups, which has formed my understanding so far.

My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and it was an ugly marriage breakup that still is rife with conflict to this day.  Both my parents admit that they never should have married in the first place, nor have kids, but they did it out of social pressure.  Both parents are non-conformists and rebels. They try to buck the system every chance they can get. My father is a gambling addict who chooses to opt out of the system, and my mother is an artist who married someone from a different cultural background, despite the white superiority in her family and with my father. It was her next “rebellious act” towards love and freedom.

So here is little me, just looking to be loved and to have a family.  But I don’t have parents who genuinely want to care for me. I see that they feel trapped, stuck, burdened and unhappy with being in the role of parent.  Yes, it’s not ideal, and it created neglect, but I somehow “got it”. I was one of many kids who had parents who weren’t honest with who they were and instead created a whole lot of suffering for me and their lives by going along with social ideals.  On top of that, I was born into a patriarchal and racist lineage in their views of white superiority (not in a violent or overtly hateful way), where my mother was striving to undo this through taking us to Jamaica to live and also marry a man of colour.  While in a different culture where I was a privileged racial minority, I had to witness the effects of slavery, white privilege and racial conflict first hand in my home and in the world. I had to understand cultural assumptions and presumptions from my Canadian culture, and turn everything on its head in order to grow in compassion for the depth of suffering in the world. 

These experiences made me into someone who cares deeply about personal and spiritual liberation by being a non-conformist, and being as authentic with oneself as possible. Because I didn’t grow up with a father figure, I had to learn about being a woman who can take care of herself, form her own opinions and beliefs, and to be a role model for other girls and women to take care of themselves without needing to depend on a husband or a man. 

I formed a deep care for multi-culturalism and racial harmony and women’s equality, respecting each person’s uniqueness. 

Now, what does this have to do with the ancestors?

Well, through the window of my parents’ eyes, I saw all the socialized influences they carried and every way they were trying to liberate themselves from the ego-dances, roles and systems that repressed them and the karma that was out of balance. 

But when I even went back one generation using a Soul Constellations technique, I discovered that even though I see my parents as free spirits and moving on their own path, I realized that they both still had strong loyalties and emotional ties to their narcissistic parent of the opposite sex.  They were the replacement spouses energetically for their parents.   So they never ultimately could have a successful marriage with each other because they had yet to let go of the parent they were loyal to.  Ironically, they got married because of parental pressure and they divorced because of it. 

In all of it, each of them throughout their lives were trying to rebel against their parent and do everything the opposite to what that parent wanted them to become.  For example, my father’s mother wanted him to become a millionaire so instead he self-sabotaged and became a gambling addict. The fact is, he lived his whole life in reaction to her rather than charting out what was right for him.

So for me, my teaching is to break my loyalty ties with my mother – I was her replacement spouse for her while she was in an unhappy marriage. Part of my legacy is befriending myself and my truth, finding a partner who is right for me, not out of parental approval, and be willing and able to be in a relationship without pressure from my family’s influence. I am here to figure out what true love is within myself and in a relationship.  I am to let go of my loyalties of focusing on making her happy, and instead turn my focus to the world and ask what kind of service I can offer it based on my inheritance of talents and gifts.

My other challenge is to be sure I’m not living in reaction to my father or my mother out of rejecting them, but simply to tune into my own standards.  At one point, I felt I was trying to overcompensate for their issues, righting the wrongs of their approach and outlooks. It was exhausting and it was filled with shame and guilt which isn’t life-giving. When what I’m simply meant to do is acknowledge that I can see the suffering in their lives, how they treat themselves and others, and learn from that wisdom to walk in a different way that ensures I am balanced in my relationships. I am meant to find my soul family where there is healthy relating of giving and receiving and we share the same values. It commits me to making a difference in the world that brings more harmony amongst people, rather than living a self-centred life.

And on top of it all, I am here to end the cycle of suffering that comes from procreating “just because everyone says you should”, because the misery of attachment and the outcome of interpersonal conflict is just too great and overwhelming.

So through all of this I discovered that my legacy is service towards those who want to live as authentically as possible as child-free women. I do this for my mom, my dad, all the ancestors who got married and had kids because they didn’t know any differently and ended up in misery or suffering, and I do it to express the higher gifts of art, travel and creative passion that my ancestors cultivated in their lives. I do it for the women who didn’t get a chance to fulfill their minds and come into their own. I do it for the men who subjugated those women and the men in my lineage who saw the beauty and potential in their wives.

I also receive the skills, talents and abilities of my ancestors who had an entrepreneurial spirit, loved to paint and read poetry, strove for freedom and wanted to start rebellions. They are all a part of me and I want their journeys to making a more peaceful, wonderful, free world to be actualized through me.

Stepping into this knowing has given me a sense of strength, clarity and direction in ways that felt mucky and lost before. I know I still have more layers and my path will shift and evolve, but this grounds my work and truth in the world and helps me direct it in other ways.

So I want to help you find your legacy – the spiritual inheritance that you get from your family system so you can take one step further towards freedom, fulfilment and genuine happiness.

I created the “Your Child-free Legacy” package which is a 2-session package where we explore your unique dynamics and family system and discover what lessons you are here to learn and how you can let go of some of your unconscious loyalties in your family. You will see that your choice of being child-free was pre-planned and there was a greater message you were wanting to give to the world.

We do a meditation together to find out what your spirit wanted to do before you were born, and we lay out your family system using sacred objects and we discover what needs to be birthed next in your life. There are videos that will guide you and you will also automatically be a part of the Persephone’s Heart Society.

I offer this on an ongoing basis, but for the month of March, I’m giving $40 off because I’m turning 40 years old.  Did you know that in indigenous traditions, if a woman didn’t birth a child by the time she was 40 years old she was considered to be on her path of fulfilling her purpose.  Wooheee! Not all traditions are wanting women to be pregnant!  Here’s to 40 years old and a life full of purpose.

I have over 7 years as a spiritual consultant, group facilitator, seer/medium, holistic healer and soul constellations practitioner.  I have been passionate about helping people see the deeper layers of their patterns and to gain the wisdom so they have more lightness and well-being in their lives.  I also have a background as an activist for human rights and women’s issues and understand the layers that culture, inequality, oppression and social assumptions have on dragging our spirits down.

So if you’d like to take advantage of this offer that can propel you further into living your truth in the world, please click here to get the details about “Your Child-free Legacy” Package. I can’t wait to see who you’re meant to be in this world!

My Complicated Relationship with Mothers

I have had challenges with relating with mothers.  I will admit that, even though there is a cultural taboo to not question or doubt mothers (which is something I don’t fully understand that just because you have birthed a being that it somehow makes you immune from becoming a decent human being).

I’m sure part of this has to do with my own mother issues (which I’ll get into later), but most of all it has to do with the very different attitudes, perspectives and priorities that mothers hold that are so different than how I approach my life as a child-free woman.

For example, my priorities are my work, free time to read, learn and grow, my health and wellness and satisfying relationships. I value pleasure, freedom, joy, my sleep and don’t have much patience for relationships that are full of drama, conflict or are highly demanding.  I have a lot on my plate that inspires me to make a positive contribution. Self-care and low stress is huge for me. I have a low pain threshold and have no desire to endure suffering unnecessarily.

For many mothers, stress is the order of the day. Self-sacrificing and thinking about others 24-7 is what’s expected. As well as picking up after kids, cooking, cleaning – though all part of women’s oppressed roles, still land on her shoulders.  They have to keep everything under control and make sure all relationships are functioning.  It’s very difficult to be a “free spirit” as a mother, and if they are they are seen as neglectful to their children.  Life can become about child-speak and there isn’t a lot of room, until the kids leave home, to do self-discovery.  Family activities, caring about schooling and keeping things in order are the most important parts of being a parent and consume a lot of a mother’s time. A mother’s natural motivation is to see her kids do well and thrive (that’s not to say all mothers are like this as some are cruel and abusive). It’s noble and service-oriented and a good mom can make a difference in the world. But most of the job is thankless.

So merely due to lifestyle choices and differences, many child-free women and mothers clash in perspective, desires and motivations at a fundamental level.  So when a mother wants to talk endlessly about her children, a child-free woman is rolling her eyes thinking of a whole host of other things to talk about like art, politics, meeting new people.  When a mother goes on vacation she finds a resort that is family-oriented and brings her kids along, whereas a child-free woman is looking for a place that is as far away from children screaming as possible. When a mother is trying everything to get her rest, a child-free woman is out taking classes ranging from tantric sex to communicating with horses to how to make a successful career.

The common traits are that we’re women who have similar struggles to be respected and supported in society. We also share similar body parts.  And there is most likely a yearning for things to just go well, along with an innate capacity to create. 

Now, fast forward to being an adult with mothers. I’ve had the weirdest responses with mothers. I will admit that mothers initially scare me, it’s like a PTSD response inside of me.  It takes a long time for me to feel at ease with someone who is a mother.  Because I know there is a side of them that can turn into an overly protective, irrational person who is so deeply attached to their child that they can’t see a different perspective or what is needed for their higher happiness and freedom or that of their child’s.  The enmeshment is so huge. They have identity issues with being a good parent or the perfect parent that they can sometimes not see the forest for the trees. And they can make a lot of choices that aren’t really connected to their heart and soul but rather out of survival.

My trauma from mothers and those who defend them are great. I have actually been accused by my own father (who left when I was 3) that I am trying to steal my sister’s kids because I don’t have children, which is completely absurd as anyone who’s known me all my life would attest. I also had a mother pull her child away from me upon learning that I don’t have kids of my own – worried that I would probably kidnap her child just because I was interacting with her.  When I tried to defend an innocent child from the verbal attacks of their father, I was shunned and attacked by the mother, who is also abused by this man. I’ve also had mothers get super-defensive when their child hears a different perspective on life that may put all they’ve been taught into question and in opposition of the parent’s personal beliefs. I’ve seen mothers power-trip over others, believing they know best, instead of admitting they have controlling personalities.  I’ve had mothers try to mock me and convince me to have kids and try to drag me into their world, believing that “I just don’t understand what it’s like to be a mother,” to which I respond – “I may not, but I’ve heard the stories, seen the suffering, and not really down with it…I like my happy world without the guilt, madness and stress, thank you very much. I didn’t have ‘em and they are your responsibility to live with that decision.” It may seem detached and arrogant, but really – I don’t need to walk in those shoes.  I’m all about empathy and compassion while setting clear boundaries of what’s mine and what isn’t.  That’s maturity and leads to true balance and personal well-being.

Now here is the thing. I actually have deep empathy for mothers. It’s why I don’t want to be one.  I believe mothers have been duped in our world – women are told this is who they need to be and what they need to become with very little support or role models to choose differently. Many marriages breakdown when kids jump into the picture because all of the attention is on the kids with no room for couple’s spontaneous intimacy.  On top of that, women get baby brains and they can lose brain power because of the stress of child-birth.  They also may have to deal with some husbands who will leave or abandon them because they’ve gained weight or they are stressed or have post-partum (which isn’t the mother’s fault of course but it’s a reality out there).  Single mothers have lower incomes than men or child-free women.  This illusion that it’s the path to happiness, is a farce, as I’ve seen many mothers burdened by the bills, the challenges of having to parent the child or children single-handedly and have decreased health because of the day-to-day self-sacrificing challenges.  They have to prove their worth and competence in their friend network, with a vigilance and scrutiny that even fathers don’t experience.  It’s hell being a mother, especially in the modern age.

My relationship with my mother is mixed – I admire her for the woman I know her to be, then she will step into the mother role and everything will get wonky. But she’s been my main inspiration to be a child-free woman.  I’ll explain further.

I recently did a healing meditation with my colleague and business coach, Irina Benedict, and I came to realize that I serve Child-free Women because before I incarnated all I wanted was to see happy women in the world. I was born into a family of conflict – my mother was left at home alone while my father was out gambling and womanizing. My birth was considered to be yet another stress in the family, when all what I wanted to do was bring blessings into the world.  I know that my sister was wanting me in the world, and my mother liked my companionship. But I felt the hole in her heart of being emotionally neglected in a loveless marriage.  As I adjusted in the womb, I felt how sad everybody was and that my birth was not really something to be celebrated.  I held the deep engrained belief that “it’s better off that I didn’t exist” and “who would want me?” which was a complex I still struggle with and carry deep inside of me.  How many people out there have been born into painful, high drama and unloving homes?

My mom, later into my teens, admitted that she shouldn’t have had children.  Now partly this comes from her own inadequacies, but it also is from her truth.  Many would be aghast to hear this from their mothers, thinking it’s insensitive. But it’s honest. And I respect it because I totally get it. Many women get the short end of the stick in the parenting paradigm and some just aren’t meant to be in that position.  My mother should have been an artist, traveler, and freethinker. As her child, I felt this and did as much as possible not to be a burden on her.  It caused a whole lot of self-esteem issues inside of me along with self-destructive behaviour, but it wasn’t really about me – it was that my mom was forced by society and her parents to birth children and this wasn’t leading to her personal liberation. 

This is why, in my family as the only child-free woman, I stand in a commitment to making myself as happy and liberated as much as possible and to feel grateful that I came from an open-minded mother who blesses me in the work I do (she’ll still give some socialized quips but nothing compared to the pressures I’ve heard other child-free women have met).  I have met so many women from around the world and I see the oppression and suffering they experience, much less in the role of being a mother. I see it as a divine responsibility to be a role model and example to be a loving, clear, happy and healthy woman in this conflicted world and to show what a woman can do when she has the freedom, time and space to make a major difference.  This is why I feel called to serving child-free women to expand their spirits and fulfill their lives through my small business, The Child-free Heart.

I would love to hear from you about your relationship with mothers, too.