Your Child-free Legacy

On the life path, many of us feel a calling to make some kind of impact in the world, to have our influence that shows we existed and we mattered.

Many parents feel their legacy is through birthing kids and raising them – which means their name lives on, their quirks and things they care about are expressed through the generations, and they are seen in family photos long after they have died. Some pass on their businesses to the next generation, others do family charity events while others give the inheritance of property and money to the kids and grandkids. They are at least seen and acknowledged by the family for who they are, even if they were healthy or unhealthy people.

But what about your legacy when you don’t have children? How does that need get filled when you don’t have descendants? What makes you particularly special in the fact you didn’t have kids?  Where are your eternal gifts and influence going to be made to make the world a better place?

What if I were to tell you that your legacy has to do with the fact you chose (consciously or unconsciously) to be child-free in your family, and that you are part of the evolutionary step forward for your ancestors?  That the key to your fulfillment can be found in the faces of where you came from, giving you the strength, encouragement and support of making a difference amongst humanity? 

Often times, we think it is obvious – well, I’m child-free because I saw my mother suffering from being a single mother, or it was a difficult childbirth, or because I am gay and never wanted to fit into the traditional model of family. 

But I want to take it deeper, where you really tune into the reality of the consciousness (hopes, dreams, struggles and perspectives) that have shaped you and all those before you. Where you discover what it is that your lineage has been trying to work out through you, even though they may not be aware of it.

I will share with you my personal experience with this.  I have only been able to come to this from doing my own growth work with Family/Soul Constellations (which I can explain another time), meditation and support groups, which has formed my understanding so far.

My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and it was an ugly marriage breakup that still is rife with conflict to this day.  Both my parents admit that they never should have married in the first place, nor have kids, but they did it out of social pressure.  Both parents are non-conformists and rebels. They try to buck the system every chance they can get. My father is a gambling addict who chooses to opt out of the system, and my mother is an artist who married someone from a different cultural background, despite the white superiority in her family and with my father. It was her next “rebellious act” towards love and freedom.

So here is little me, just looking to be loved and to have a family.  But I don’t have parents who genuinely want to care for me. I see that they feel trapped, stuck, burdened and unhappy with being in the role of parent.  Yes, it’s not ideal, and it created neglect, but I somehow “got it”. I was one of many kids who had parents who weren’t honest with who they were and instead created a whole lot of suffering for me and their lives by going along with social ideals.  On top of that, I was born into a patriarchal and racist lineage in their views of white superiority (not in a violent or overtly hateful way), where my mother was striving to undo this through taking us to Jamaica to live and also marry a man of colour.  While in a different culture where I was a privileged racial minority, I had to witness the effects of slavery, white privilege and racial conflict first hand in my home and in the world. I had to understand cultural assumptions and presumptions from my Canadian culture, and turn everything on its head in order to grow in compassion for the depth of suffering in the world. 

These experiences made me into someone who cares deeply about personal and spiritual liberation by being a non-conformist, and being as authentic with oneself as possible. Because I didn’t grow up with a father figure, I had to learn about being a woman who can take care of herself, form her own opinions and beliefs, and to be a role model for other girls and women to take care of themselves without needing to depend on a husband or a man. 

I formed a deep care for multi-culturalism and racial harmony and women’s equality, respecting each person’s uniqueness. 

Now, what does this have to do with the ancestors?

Well, through the window of my parents’ eyes, I saw all the socialized influences they carried and every way they were trying to liberate themselves from the ego-dances, roles and systems that repressed them and the karma that was out of balance. 

But when I even went back one generation using a Soul Constellations technique, I discovered that even though I see my parents as free spirits and moving on their own path, I realized that they both still had strong loyalties and emotional ties to their narcissistic parent of the opposite sex.  They were the replacement spouses energetically for their parents.   So they never ultimately could have a successful marriage with each other because they had yet to let go of the parent they were loyal to.  Ironically, they got married because of parental pressure and they divorced because of it. 

In all of it, each of them throughout their lives were trying to rebel against their parent and do everything the opposite to what that parent wanted them to become.  For example, my father’s mother wanted him to become a millionaire so instead he self-sabotaged and became a gambling addict. The fact is, he lived his whole life in reaction to her rather than charting out what was right for him.

So for me, my teaching is to break my loyalty ties with my mother – I was her replacement spouse for her while she was in an unhappy marriage. Part of my legacy is befriending myself and my truth, finding a partner who is right for me, not out of parental approval, and be willing and able to be in a relationship without pressure from my family’s influence. I am here to figure out what true love is within myself and in a relationship.  I am to let go of my loyalties of focusing on making her happy, and instead turn my focus to the world and ask what kind of service I can offer it based on my inheritance of talents and gifts.

My other challenge is to be sure I’m not living in reaction to my father or my mother out of rejecting them, but simply to tune into my own standards.  At one point, I felt I was trying to overcompensate for their issues, righting the wrongs of their approach and outlooks. It was exhausting and it was filled with shame and guilt which isn’t life-giving. When what I’m simply meant to do is acknowledge that I can see the suffering in their lives, how they treat themselves and others, and learn from that wisdom to walk in a different way that ensures I am balanced in my relationships. I am meant to find my soul family where there is healthy relating of giving and receiving and we share the same values. It commits me to making a difference in the world that brings more harmony amongst people, rather than living a self-centred life.

And on top of it all, I am here to end the cycle of suffering that comes from procreating “just because everyone says you should”, because the misery of attachment and the outcome of interpersonal conflict is just too great and overwhelming.

So through all of this I discovered that my legacy is service towards those who want to live as authentically as possible as child-free women. I do this for my mom, my dad, all the ancestors who got married and had kids because they didn’t know any differently and ended up in misery or suffering, and I do it to express the higher gifts of art, travel and creative passion that my ancestors cultivated in their lives. I do it for the women who didn’t get a chance to fulfill their minds and come into their own. I do it for the men who subjugated those women and the men in my lineage who saw the beauty and potential in their wives.

I also receive the skills, talents and abilities of my ancestors who had an entrepreneurial spirit, loved to paint and read poetry, strove for freedom and wanted to start rebellions. They are all a part of me and I want their journeys to making a more peaceful, wonderful, free world to be actualized through me.

Stepping into this knowing has given me a sense of strength, clarity and direction in ways that felt mucky and lost before. I know I still have more layers and my path will shift and evolve, but this grounds my work and truth in the world and helps me direct it in other ways.

So I want to help you find your legacy – the spiritual inheritance that you get from your family system so you can take one step further towards freedom, fulfilment and genuine happiness.

I created the “Your Child-free Legacy” package which is a 2-session package where we explore your unique dynamics and family system and discover what lessons you are here to learn and how you can let go of some of your unconscious loyalties in your family. You will see that your choice of being child-free was pre-planned and there was a greater message you were wanting to give to the world.

We do a meditation together to find out what your spirit wanted to do before you were born, and we lay out your family system using sacred objects and we discover what needs to be birthed next in your life. There are videos that will guide you and you will also automatically be a part of the Persephone’s Heart Society.

I offer this on an ongoing basis, but for the month of March, I’m giving $40 off because I’m turning 40 years old.  Did you know that in indigenous traditions, if a woman didn’t birth a child by the time she was 40 years old she was considered to be on her path of fulfilling her purpose.  Wooheee! Not all traditions are wanting women to be pregnant!  Here’s to 40 years old and a life full of purpose.

I have over 7 years as a spiritual consultant, group facilitator, seer/medium, holistic healer and soul constellations practitioner.  I have been passionate about helping people see the deeper layers of their patterns and to gain the wisdom so they have more lightness and well-being in their lives.  I also have a background as an activist for human rights and women’s issues and understand the layers that culture, inequality, oppression and social assumptions have on dragging our spirits down.

So if you’d like to take advantage of this offer that can propel you further into living your truth in the world, please click here to get the details about “Your Child-free Legacy” Package. I can’t wait to see who you’re meant to be in this world!