Child-free Woman as Peacemaker

Conflicts and violence have been a big part of human history and we seem to be seeing more of it, especially because of the media’s immediate coverage and responses.  Tensions abound, fear of the other, and general ignorance seems to be taking over. 

Many sages and teachers say that to truly have peace on earth, we need to find peace within.  When we are stressed or drained or over-committed, we tend to step out of the present and feel threatened by every detail.  We also can become rigid or isolated because of having too much to do.  This is what I see in most people who are parents nowadays.  The requirements, obligations and necessities and social rules take over, and before they know it, they are beholden to their children’s lives. Even the strongest and most empowered parents, still have the stresses of caregiving.  Not that we don’t, as we may have our own responsibilities as child-free people and we may do caregiving for older parents, or other people’s children from time-to-time, or our own projects. But we aren’t tied to them the way parents are.

Because of this, I believe that Child-free Women have the beautiful chance to be the peacemakers of the world.  As women, many us have naturally been conditioned to be relationship-oriented (whether we like it or not) and tend to have a keen intuition or sense of group dynamics.  As Child-free people, we often have open minds, can see the big picture, and we tend to work on behalf of the collective well-being.  We also aren’t as attached to family loyalties, giving us the chance to see people for who they are, not the roles we want them to be in our lives.  We can spend our time finding our centre within, staying connected to the part of us that can make wiser choices rather than reactive choices.  

Ultimately, the combination of being a Child-free Woman means we have the capacity to bring more peace, love and connection to humanity and the world around us.

Many of us have a mission that can quietly or overtly benefit the world around us, usually with very little acknowledgment of our own hearts, unless we actively seek validation and recognition from our community.  We are community leaders, changemakers or social connectors, whether it be in our volunteering, day-to-day interactions, for non-profits, as entrepreneurs or in our corporate jobs.  We are rocking it somewhere through our capacity to relate with many.

For me, aside from supporting child-free women, I want to make the change in the world to end violence against women and sexism.  I also want to be an example of natural health and minimalistic living, as ways to honour all of earth’s habitants.  Feminine spirituality, divine connection and intuitive awareness are all important to me, as well.

What about you? What change do you want to make in the world as a child-free woman?

Being Committed to Yourself

The path of the child-free woman by choice is one that is unique.  It means we start our path of self-discovery  and tend to know the power of making choices. Even if the simple choice is: “I don’t want to have kids”. 

We can choose whether or not to continue to make empowering choices that lead to our self-awareness and personal freedom throughout our lifetime. We have the strength to make choices that aren’t necessarily socially conforming, but keep us true to ourselves.

Now I’m not saying that mothers don’t do this. Many of them make empowering choices in how they raise their children.  However, at least for those mothers who are active and embracing that path, they usually make a lot of self-sacrificing choices.

I have seen mothers have to wait until their middle age when the kids have grown up, to get back to themselves and what they enjoy. They have spent much of their years and energy on raising the kids and maintaining the semblance of family. 

Now it’s not to say we don’t struggle with similar issues. Our youth can make us over-extend ourselves to others out of people pleasing, and we can fall into the typical pattern most girls and women are conditioned, which is to put others’ needs before our own. 

As child-free women, we have the chance to shift this pattern that has been deeply engrained in the psyche of most women on the planet. The martyr archetype or the mothering role is deep within us, and it can lead to a whole host of problems, including health issues, feeling dissatisfied or withstanding a whole lot of abuse and neglect out of blind loyalty.

Shifting it means learning how to say ‘no’, making inner commitments to ourselves that we promise not to let go of, becoming assertive and tuning into our feelings, truth and intuition on a daily basis to gain the wisdom and insight needed for our lives. It’s having the courage to let go of relationships that are not mutually respectful and satisfying, a willingness to go it alone at times and speaking without shame or hiding about who we are and we are not.  All of this requires an ability to know our limits, desires, goals and truth, and communicating them to others with self-assuredness.

Committing to yourself can move mountains. It can bring in relationships with others who have shared interests. It can create a life for yourself that aligns with who you are and your personal rhythm. It can take you on new adventures. It can help you establish a deep peace within yourself that creates wonderful self-acceptance.

I would encourage you to commit something to yourself that is connected to you, regardless of anyone else’s opinion.  You’ve already done it with choosing to be child-free. Now let’s take it to another level!

For me, I’m committed to:

-holistic healing

-being a writer

-minimalism

Being committed to this makes sure I centre everything I do and I am about around these three things.  I have found my fiancé who is a musician (so open and supportive of the arts) and loves to live simply and renting (we won’t be buying a house or tons of property, which works well for both of us).  On the holistic healing front, well, that’s still not his thing, but it’s the one area I get to bring to the relationship.  He is learning a lot from me and it improves my ability to teach others who may not know or understand. But he’s not resistant to it and he knows it’s part of my path.

These commitments are my inner compass that keep me in my truth, regardless of others’ opinions, preferences or lifestyle choices. It makes me love who I am in entirety.

I would love to hear about your 3 commitments and how they help you live a stronger, more directed life that honours who you are. Please send me an email to: child.free.heart@gmail.com

Child-free Women and the Ancestral Lineage

There is a saying in indigenous spiritual traditions that believes that when we leave the spirit world to incarnate on earth, our ancestors cry at losing us and our earth family rejoices. When it is our time to return, those in spirit rejoice at seeing us again and our earth family mourns.  This gives us the sense that there is some reason or mission we are here to complete in the world, that made us leave the divine love of our spirit friends and join the earth plane of suffering.

In the past 8 years, I’ve delved deeply into the psyche of family and ancestral patterns through Family and Soul Constellations work.  The work has fascinated me because it helps clients see the blind spots and generational patterns that keep wanting to be expressed, no matter how difficult or painful it is. It brings meaning, clarity and understanding to that which is hidden or unknown. Tensions get released. Support can be brought in. Connection can happen.  We grow in our personal humility and wisdom.

The premise of Soul Constellations work is that we will often carry the burdens and challenges of our ancestors – people we may or may not have met.  There is just something in us that is drawn to the circumstances, dynamics and fates that our ancestors have experienced.

Through an embodied process, we start acknowledging their path with acceptance and even compassion. We then free ourselves from having to work out the issues that they faced and start living our lives.  It is known that our ancestors truly do want us to be happy and free, but they also want the respect and acknowledgment to be sure their lives were not lived in vain.

For child-free women by choice, we are in a unique position in the family system.  We have actively claimed that we don’t want to continue the ancestral line.  Some of us may have had abortions and miscarriages as part of our process. We may have had to make tough choices, choices in the face of family pressure. Or it may be because we have been deeply hurt by our family system that we have decided not to carry forward the dysfunction. There may be an aspect of us that rejects the people we have come from, or we want to be victorious over a family pattern, such as women forsaking their dreams and happiness for the sake of child-rearing.  Or there just may be circumstances behind you where there was war and suffering, and you innately know that it is not safe to bring a child into the world out of protecting an innocent person from that fate.  Another possibility is that we may come from strong women role models who encouraged us to stand in our freedom and truth and take a non-traditional path as a woman.

Regardless of why, we know within our gut that we want to be free, but we may end up holding ourselves back in ways we don’t even realize.  We may attract loveless relationships, or sabotage our careers.  All because we don’t want to be bigger than our parents, grandparents or great grandparents. We stay small in some way.

My aim as a Soul Constellations facilitator for Child-free Women is to support you in your becoming and to help you shed the past and what is holding you back – whether in loyalties to your parents and ancestors, or limited beliefs.  I see you as the one who is ready and able to shed the family karma in your system, bringing true freedom, peace and actualization of all of your ancestors’ hopes, dreams, struggles and victories. You have the chance to truly know the joy of living, and make a big difference in the lives of others.

I saw a quote while I was living in Oaxaca by an Aztec poet.  It said something to the effect that the one who does not have children is the one in the family who is tying up the knots of the family quilt.  I truly believe this in my heart and soul and honour those who are here to complete the work that is needed so they may return to their spiritual home when they pace with peace of heart and mind.  

Please join me at the Embrace Your Heart Healing Retreat Series for Child-free Women in Guelph to explore and free yourself from all that is keeping you contained or withheld from actualizing your life.  We will do Soul Constellations work there among other wonderful activities and techniques.