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Many people think that Child-free Women don’t have any problems. Just because we aren’t chasing kids to school or figuring out how to balance work and parenting, there is a belief that we are in a place of ease and joy all the time and we don’t have any needs.
But I beg to differ. We have unique challenges and dynamics that have led to stress and relationship difficulties. There is a different loneliness or path of the Child-free Woman that requires healing. Much of it is rooted in the regular bumps and bruises of life, but also from the very experience of being “different than the pack”.
As Child-free Women, we have the chance to heal core wounds that have blocked us from our joy, freedom and happiness – this can come in the form of negative or false inner beliefs, carrying different perspectives than the masses, relationship conflicts, emotional challenges and moral dilemmas. Many of us may not even know where to begin to scratch the surface. Or some of us may have spent years in therapy and already have that understanding.
For myself and from my experience doing metaphysical healing for 7 years, I’ve come to learn about the power of stress (inner and outer) on the well-being of a person. All of us will know that being a mother is stressful, 90% of the time – no matter if the child is easy going or not. It’s usually one of the many reasons why people choose not to have kids (I’m one of those people and I know I’d have a nervous breakdown if I did have them). But there is also hidden stress that comes in and is unique for Child-free Women.
Here are some examples:
Stress of being different than the pack – on a fundamental level, we all want and need to feel we belong. Anyone who strays outside of the mainstream and biologically dominant cultural way of doing this will feel alone, nervous, isolated, misunderstood and abandoned. As a child-free woman – that is someone who chooses not to have kids, which is different than someone who wants to have them –she is essentially saying that she is leaving the pack of women who are innately conditioned or expected to birth something out of her womb. She is saying “no” to something that is considered a fundamental quality of physical life on the planet.
Psychological stress of an identity crisis or a sense of not knowing one’s unique self and gifts. This can come in for those child-free women who don’t have a circle of friends, family or community who acknowledge her unique path of not having kids. If all she is surrounded by is mothers and baby talk, a child-free woman can feel lost, confused, in self-doubt and wondering if there is something weird about her.
Relationship stress that can come from emotional abuse and neglect with people who can’t relate or belittle her choice to be child-free. It can also be stressful to be in a position of watching kids being mistreated and feeling powerless and unable to do anything about it as the aunt or citizen.
On top of that, there are judgments, criticisms and jealousies that child-free women can get from mothers. There is the difficulty of having to resist the pressures and expectations may have of you to care for their kids or engage in their stress.
It can also come in if there is a conflict you may have with a partner who suddenly wants kids. Or you can’t find a person who is on the same page as you in the lifestyle of being child-free.
Childhood Wounds stress – many child-free people decided not to have kids because they didn’t want to pass on the stress, abuse, neglect or suffering to the next generation. They may still hold wounds from childhood that need to be processed but are still affecting their adult lives – things like anxiety, depression, self-criticism, feeling rejected, loneliness...are all by-products of childhood wounds.
Save-the-World stress -- oh yes – the feeling that because one doesn’t have kids that one needs to do more and more and more to help the world. I’ve been there and am still there. I have a desire to help a lot of humanity to come to peace and well-being and love within and with each other. This can lead to burnout stress and something that many child-free women struggle with.
Regular ol’ everyday life stress – just like everybody else, child-free people have the regular ups and downs of life, money, health, losses, insecurities that affect us. We got those problems, too!
This is why I’ve created the Embrace Your Heart Year-long Healing Series in the Guelph-area with my friend and colleague Roxana Roshon.
We will be incorporating our knowledge of alternative healing, spirituality and being child-free to support the process of coming into balance, peace, self-awareness and creative expression. These will be retreat days that will help us redefine our self-image, connect to nature, and feel self-love and self-acceptance infuse into our beings.
Our first retreat will be on Sunday July 16th from 9:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. The focus will be on “The Story of Your Soul” to help you heal and find inner strength and meaning with some of the challenging experiences you’ve had in your life. We will do some family-of-origin and ancestral healing to have you stand in your truth and light without guilt, fear or abandonment.
There will be other retreats, too, so please stay tuned to the web site at: www.childfreeheart.com for more information.
Here’s to being a happy, free and healthy child-free woman!
