Why I Love Child-free Women

Many people have asked me why my focus is on serving child-free women and thought I was making some kind of big deal about being child-free.  Of course, these people were usually parents themselves or men who haven’t had to experience the challenges many women face around their reproductive choices and social pressures.  
 

Little do many people know, the experiences of child-free women are quite unique in the world.  I have been organizing a meetup group in the Guelph-area and have learned a lot about what it means to be child-free and some of the common experiences.  Here are the reasons I like working with child-free women:

1)      They are usually up to something interesting. They are interested in cultivating their passions and they delve into their lives to become people who know some interest things and perspectives. There is a natural open-mindedness because they have already questioned some fundamental socialization

2)      Many of them like animals and will have their own pet babies.  They can even extend this to being more environmentally conscious/aware and will work on creating projects that help the earth.

3)      They care deeply about conscious parenting. That’s right! Many child-free women have their opinions about poor parenting and will encourage anyone who has a child to do it well and full-heartedly. That’s why a lot of people think that the irony is that child-free people would actually make the best parents in the world. But we know all too well that we couldn’t do it well because our hearts aren’t in it.

4)      They are willing to examine and look into and resolve their childhood issues.  They have the time, ability, space and forward thinking to understand that they want to have more happiness, freedom and awareness in their lives by shedding the past. They may even have the anger from childhood wrongs to know that they don’t want to perpetuate the cycle with young people in their lives.

5)      They want freedom and happiness. They love doing what they love and don’t want to compromise or get entangled into human dramas at the sake of their freedom. 

6)      They will seek out personal growth and fun experiences.   They know that there is more to life than struggle and want to expand themselves. They will do everything from going belly dancing to workshops on success to finding how to grow more intimately with their love partner. They want to experience the fullness life has to offer them.

7)      They want to be genuine and honest with themselves.  They have come so far in standing up against forces that want them to be a certain way that they won’t stop of anything less in other areas of their life. They have strong opinions, perhaps, and they want to be as tuned into their truth so they are not controlled or suppressing who they are.

8)      They may have a strong understanding of women’s issues/rights and are breaking out of old paradigms of control or oppression. Their next challenge, after doing some questioning, is breaking out of their inner paradigms that keep them stuck or block them from their personal power and truth.

9)      They are freethinkers. They will read about issues, have great debates, question everything and take on causes because the can and know better than to believe collective assumptions. They will inevitably make others around them have to think outside the box.

10)   They have courage. Despite all the fears of family ostracization or the belief that they will grow old and die alone, child-free women have courage enough to stay true to themselves and that is just plain ol’ noble.  

If you are a child-free woman who can relate with these similar qualities, I would love to be there for you as a coach, seer/medium and retreat facilitator.   I want to help you expand your spirit and fulfill your life as a child-free woman.  All you need to do is click here to apply fora FREE Sharing Our Hearts Session to see if we can work together to help you have more passion, freedom and connection in your life.

Making a Meaningful Life as Child-free Woman

There is a traditional notion that having a baby gives a woman a feeling of fulfillment. The Christian Spiritual Tradition encourages this idea with the archetypes of the Father, Mother, Child paradigm. I have also heard men say that they gave a woman the gift of a child, as if that was his sole purpose in the relationship and she should be satisfied with that. But fulfillment is meant to make us “feel full” and not drained and depleted or obligated and guilt-ridden. 

Now, I believe it is possible for a woman to choose motherhood as her path to fulfillment as there are many strong lessons of faith, trust and growth in this way.  But I would suggest that choice is the operative word and often times women go down this road not truly knowing the realities of what is ahead for them and the lack of support in the world for them. I’ve met mothers who have told me that if they were to do it all over again, they would not have been mothers because it is too hard and they felt they sacrificed a lot of themselves for their kids.

It has taken a lot for me to shed the cultural story and trance that makes me want to believe that I will be a happy and fulfilled woman if I have a child.  Not so much that I was believing the story, but that I carried inner angst and frustration and feelings of being an outsider in my views of not wanting to have kids -- I had pressure from my sister, I saw friends go down this road and leave our friendship behind, and I have had to give up relationships with men because I knew they wanted to be a father. 

I knew within the fabric of my being that being a mother was not a path for me, and in fact I looked down on women who procreated when they hadn’t done enough self-exploration to decide if it was right for them or not, or if they were in toxic relationships.

I didn’t have other child-free women, cultural support systems or personal mentors to encourage me to live according to my heart and I had to figure it out on my own. Luckily, there was a part of me that always felt somehow rebellious, contrarian or alone in my own truth.  In my search for myself and my truth, I met writers, artists, and those who lived alternatively, along with reading feminist thinkers who showed me that there was something beautiful about choosing one’s own convictions, knowing a path different from the mainstream. 

When I stood strong and tall in my truth of not wanting to have children and be on my journey of true freedom, the next questions were, “so what do I want to do with my life? What will make me happy? What contribution would I like to make?”

These questions continue to guide me and they evolve, just as I grow and evolve in my self-awareness and feelings of satisfaction or lack thereof.  

As child-free women, I believe we have the opportunity to create deeper meaning, connection and fulfillment in our lives, because we have the freedom to choose and the opportunity to bring what is truly in our hearts to life, rather than having to focus on daily tasks of caregiving.  We can learn more and more about ourselves, and our hidden talents, which can help us make the contribution we came to this earth to make.   

Making a meaningful life comes from exploring ourselves deeply, and discovering what it is we truly care about in ourselves and the world around us. It could be friendships, art, helping at-risk youth, volunteering in the community, creating a home that is beautiful, self-care, meditation, yoga, etc.  The truth is that creating a meaningful life is an ongoing job, listening deeply to what wants to be manifested at that time in a person’s life.  It can be something small like a journalling project, or something large like a non-profit organization.  

Every project I initiate, I try to make it something I care about.  Here are a few ways that I have been able to make a more meaningful life: 

• I learned Spanish because my niece was born and her dad is from a Latin American background.  I wanted her to know there was someone in the family who was willing to embrace her other cultural background.   
• While I was in Mexico, I met a woman who was learning English as a Second Language through braille.  I was amazed by her spirit and nature and knew I had to write about her so others discovered her intuitive strengths and beauty of her soul. So I wrote a children’s book called The Stellar Queen of Oaxaca.   
• I had profound psychic insights, dreams and near death experiences, so I went on the path of honing my abilities and found my place at the Spiritual Church 
• I created a business called Blossoming Heart Divine Arts as a psychic/medium, which offered me deep insight and wisdom on this journey of life and love   
• I am now embracing the path of the Child-free Woman and offering programs, services and retreats to them because I genuinely feel connected and inspired by this community.  

With my journey, training and experiences, I feel I can offer understandings and true guidance if you are a child-free woman who wants to have more meaning and fulfillment in your life. 

I offer an online 5-week SharingCircle Series on “Making a More Meaningful Life” and a Persephone’s Heart: Making a Meaningful Life Coaching Package.  

If any of this interests you, I would encourage you to book a FREE Sharing Our Hearts Session so we can chat and see if this is a right fit for you.  

I would love to see you feel fulfilled and satisfied in your life. Cause a happy woman can truly change the world.

When I knew I didn't want to have children

When I was 5 years old, I knew I didn't want to have children. I would

be pestered about it by older women, assuming that this was any girl's

dream, just like getting married should be her dream. I would defiantly

say "no, I have other things I want to do with my life" and didn't

understand why women didn't want to do other things than cook,

clean, change diapers and watch over kids. All I saw was drudgery

and work to raise them and a whole lot of heartache. My mind wanted

to paint, read, travel, do other things. I couldn't believe that other

women were buying into this way of life, which seemed to me a road of

suffering. 

It didn't help that I was living in a developing country at the time and I

heard stories about women being left with 5 babies to care for and not

a lot to feed them with. Yet there was this collective trance that a

woman naturally was to grow up to be a mother.  I just couldn't believe

this was all there was to my life. Why did I seem to care about things

other than everyone else?


Thankfully, the child-free movement has been growing and I've found

a place in this world of women's reproductive liberation and women

meeting their potential aside from motherhood. Now I'm not saying that

being a mother is a bad thing.  I would suggest that for a woman to be

fully free, she would need to feel she actively has chosen whether or

not she wants to have kids, separate from how she's been socialized.

If she can be an active, conscious, caring mother, than great! The

world will be a better place for it and she will be a happier woman.


What do you think? Please share your thoughts or story about when

you realized you didn't want to have kids on my Facebook page:

The Child-free Heart